Finding Balance in a More Over Less Society
We live in a world that’s spinning faster every day — at least we’re spinning faster every day! — I think we all need to stop for a quick minute and ask some questions. Why oh why are we racing like this?
→ Why do we make life so complicated?
→ Why do things so important like marriage and parenting seem like it’s for only those special people who seem to do it so well?
→ Why does it all seem so hard?
Join me as we dig deep into those thoughts.
Life Was Simpler in the Past
You know, life was much simpler when I got pregnant for the first time. And that was a very long time ago. It doesn’t feel like it to me — but when you hear me say my oldest is 43, welp, that says it all!
And you might click off and look for a blog written by a much younger mom, someone who understands the times.
But I’d like to remind you — mothering has been done for thousands of years. Moms have been having having babies, raising children, and managing households since God created this universe.
And each one of us can learn from those who’ve gone before us.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us there is “nothing new under the sun.”
The wisdom and realities of life are pretty much the same as when God created man. Obedience and sin, love and war, joy and sadness — nothing new there.
But let’s begin with how God views motherhood and children. God’s Word will never change.
Psalm 139:13-14 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
John 16:21 “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
Life Is More Complex in Our Modern Culture
But we all know what’s new is the culture and modern world we now live in.
The need to eat and make money and deal with temptations are the same.
But the complexities of those basics are much different than thousands of years ago.
No longer is it the norm to sit around campfires after a long day to socialize. Now we grab fast food and eat while we’re driving somewhere and then we sit alone with our phones to socialize.
Much is different when it comes to actually living life.
And that makes it important to understand the times we live in and adjust accordingly.
To take a hard look at God’s plan and purpose for giving us life — and measure it against what social media or even your friends say gives life or happiness.
Create time in your day to consider your ways and to what you’re giving your time or whom you’re following.
I think you’ll see a vast difference between the culture around you and God’s plan according to His word!
Stay In God’s Word and Let the Spirit Guide You
And that’s why it’s so important to stay in the Word. To ponder the words you read and let the Spirit guide you in truth.
Only today I was reading for the hundredth time, 1 Peter 4, and it suddenly came to me what the suffering of living in the flesh as compared to living unto God meant. It means we will need to give up – to suffer – in order to do His will – just like Christ did. It’s so easy to think it only means suffering from contempt and harassment from an ungodly world.
Yet the first paragraph talks about our flesh and the temptations that abound from being simply human. Yet through God and the Spirit, we can control our desires and find strength. It’s suffering to do that – yet we’re given the grace and strength through surrendering to God’s plan. Not just outward obedience but inward obedience.
You and I need the wisdom from on high. Or we’ll get sucked into thinking the way everyone else does out there in a very lost world. And confusion will reign – or you might just miss God’s best for you.
We don’t have the Roman guards coming around the corner like they did in Jesus’ time, but we sure have the noise and constant onslaught of worldly ideas and temptations – right in our hip pocket.
What’s Different and What’s Not When It Comes To Motherhood
Well, let’s get back to our topic of motherhood, and take a look at what’s different and what’s not. And how it may be affecting your confidence to be who you were created to be.
Why it all feels so overwhelming.
Pregnancy, birth, and raising babies to adulthood are some of the many things that are the same — yet at the same time, so very different. Come to think of it, many moms have tried to go back to the old ways, the more simple ways of birth and babies and mothering.
I’m guessing you’re often online, like I am — and you know what you’ll find there? A lot of noise! So many options related to the topic of motherhood.
When my daughter-in-law had her first child six years ago, she relied on those apps because she was concerned about getting it right or fear of doing it wrong.
Something meant to help only added to her overwhelm and caused her more panic and fear.
“If they made apps this complicated,” she thought,” then it must be really hard to raise a child!” And she felt very ill-equipped.
Overwhelm Isn’t God’s Design
We live in a culture that most often forgets the God who created all things – and then feels the need to trust in knowledge and ability. Of course, we all want to understand and do our best in the roles we’ve acquired, but we’re first and foremost to learn to rest in God’s design.
→ And that removes the overwhelm.
Sure we’re still going to have questions and we will wonder and we will have concerns and even fear, but we can use our God-given intuition and abilities more than our culture lets on!
Apps, books, and classes cause us to forget how to think for ourselves and trust our judgement.
Consider these choices:
- Pregnancy, just a few decades ago, was a more common occurrence and women took in stride. Now it’s often treated as something wrong with our body. One that needs apps and schedules — and oh, so many appointments and ultrasounds! (Just a fun fact → in all my ten pregnancies, I only had one ultrasound!) Of course, we can be grateful for advanced medicine — but sometimes knowing too much can affect a natural and normal birth outcome. There’s research to support this.
- A mom can “go natural,” breathe through labor and deliver on her own bed OR she can deliver her baby using a medicated and pain-free method.
- She can offer her baby milk fresh from her body OR plan and coordinate pumping and feedings from a bottle, having the luxury of leaving the baby for someone else to care for while she works or takes a break.
- She might be a “crunchy” mom doing things as naturally as possible, opting for a more simple routine, a baby carrier, and cloth diapers OR she can rely on a houseful of tools, toys, and paraphernalia to help care for her baby.
I’m sure you see yourself more on one side of those options or the other. For the most part, where you land will be decided by how comfortable you are with the natural process and babies, birth, and parenting.
It will come down to how you were raised, who your circle of friends is, and what you read which dictates what your “normal” looks like.
This Is Where Confusion Stops — And You Begin!
Yes, I mean you. What do you actually believe or want for your life as a momma?
Why do I ask?
Because I believe the more comfortable you are in your own skin,
the more confident you’ll be in your mommying –
and the less overwhelmed you’ll feel.
This crazy world has made motherhood out to be something you need 36 hours a day for, along with a college degree. And it just isn’t the case!
Yet we often get indoctrinated by our culture into thinking something like becoming a parent is difficult and painful and we’re simply inadequate for the job. It’s too hard — not cool enough — or we lack the skills required or we’ll lose our life in the process.
Ohhh, that’s another post in itself, isn’t it?!
I’m thinking of the Bible verse that calls us to lose our lives for another.
John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”.
And marriage and parenting is the perfect opportunity to do just that!
God created motherhood. He gave us instinct to do this job well. We understand not everyone has those instincts because some of them have been bred out of them. Some actions aren’t as instinctual as others.
But if we trust in God and we trust in His natural processes, we look at His Word, I think you’ll find that we can gain some of that back.
Become a Thinker
Ya ready?
If you know me, you might know where we’re going now.
I will encourage you to ask yourself lots of questions.
And if you aren’t one naturally, I want you to become a thinker! Not only a hearer and a follower. But a thinker.
In today’s culture, it’s all too easy to just keep scrolling, checking on what everyone else is doing or saying. That’s noise, my friend. It’s just easier that way. I know — I fall prey to it, too.
I was just reading in James how he calls us to be doers of the Word. And in as much as we’re called to be doers, he also reminds us to be quick to listen. Not necessarily quick to do.
Perhaps that means we’re to think and pray before we act. Hmmm.
James 1:19 says “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger…”
He’s discussing anger and wickedness with us here. But perhaps we can understand from the whole of scripture that he’s talking about anything that might draw us away from the simplicity of God’s Word and plan for us — be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Be quick to hear.
To think on what you hear.
And to wonder what to do with it.
First and foremost, hear God’s view of life.
His plan for family.
And parenting.
The role He’s given you as your children’s mother.
It’s pretty huge!
The enemy wants nothing more than to keep you from listening to God and acting upon His wisdom and instruction.
He wants to keep you from resting on Him alone as you navigate the complexities of life – and especially home life. Marriage, parenting, and keeping your home for God’s glory.
James continues on in verses 1:22-25:
But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.
How To Live Above the Noise Around You
Do you want to know the way to live above the noise around you?
To take back your life and make it your own?
To stop feeling the comparison or frustration that comes with trying to fit in or be like others you know?
You’ll need to —
→ Make time to read God’s Word.
→ To pray about what you read.
→ And then to think on your own.
There are so many good books out there to help you in life. I should know! I just got 4 in the mail this week. I love a good book!
But….Ecclesiastes 12:12 reminds us “But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive study is wearying to the body.”
God showed me that many years ago, and I believe it was simply a warning to me to rest in him and his word more than I rest in all of the ideas of everybody out there who’s written a book!
God’s word and the truths within its cover are your foundation. They will help you sift through all the other content you read each day.
So take time, my friend. Make it your practice.
To help you become more thoughtful about your day and week, I designed Think – Pray – Plan – Do Planner — available on Amazon.
You’ll find my special T.P.P.D. page after every month. (If you’re curious and want to try it out, here’s a link to your free pdf download.)
Along with the TPPD page in the planner, you’ll find plenty of monthly planning pages to spur you on to think before you plan your next day, week, or month.
Why take that time? → It helps you be sure it lines up with what you know is best and what you believe God wants you to do.
If you don’t have a planner right now and want to begin getting your day more organized, I also designed (2) six-month planners Jan-June & July-Dec)so you don’t have to carry around the whole year — and so you can get started mid-year if you haven’t started yet!
I might be a bit biased, but I think they’re so pretty!
I use mine every day, and using a planner helps you so much in your role of home manager. I’d love for you to check them out.
Check Out The “Why’s” Before You Make Decisions
So what do you do with all the information out there when it comes to birth and parenting and managing it all?
Of course, we each can and should look at the the past and the present — let them teach us and bring new ideas — but the most important next step is to consider how what you’re learning matches God’s plan and purposes for family, and your own ideas and feelings about parenting.
The biggest detail in looking at the past or the present — and this goes for everything we choose in life — is the “why” behind that option, habit, or rule.
Consider the purpose or the “why” behind what you see others doing. And then the “why” behind what you might choose.
Again, this goes for everything in life.
Ask your mom or grandma what she did, but more importantly — why she did it that way.
Ask your friends, read some blogs from like-minded women, but most important of all — consider the “why” behind what they’re sharing.
So often we follow someone else’s lead only to discover they did it as a way of escaping a past they didn’t like.
Or to bring them to a better place than they had before.
This is all good but — you may not be in that position or need to do the same thing because your needs are vastly different than your friends or the person you’re listening to online.
What Do You Believe — And Why?
Take time to consider your life, how you’ve become a mother, your new role (or in my case, an old role) but please…
Take time to think about who you are and what you believe in.
- What do you picture your day being like? Preferences, dislikes, warm fuzzies?
- How do you view parenting? And why? What’s behind those feelings?
- What would you like to change over how you were parented?
- Do you see parenting as complicated or simple?
- Do you like collecting resources and information for jobs you do? Or do you prefer winging it and learning along the way, using your intuition to move you forward?
- Do you think of your baby as a job with an outcome? Or a joy to behold?
Let the answers guide you. You might be surprised that what you come up with is different than what your friend group might be discussing. And that’s okay.
Back in the day, when so many of these choices were on my “virtual” table — one thing in particular helped me make decisions in preparing to become a mom — for pregnancy, birth, and caring for a baby — for how I viewed life at home.
What Did Women Do In The Past?
I’d look at how women in the past — without the technology and modern conveniences I had — did (and in some countries, still do) this same job of mothering — for centuries.
Picture an African woman with her baby slung on her back while she carries water on her head from the river.
Or the pioneer woman who worked hard keeping her oven fired up so the house was warm and she could cook dinner — all while keeping the children nearby and out of trouble.
Often, I would imagine those women and I believed I could do it in a less complicated way than the society around me was telling me I needed to do things.
I guess it gave me a piece of mind to know that it was been done for so many generations before me.
One of their tricks and they didn’t even do this on purpose, is that they were….
Too Busy To Get Complicated!
Simplicity in child care was a basic necessity back then.
No one had time to make it complicated!
They were too busy growing, harvesting, grinding, and baking just to produce a simple thing like bread.
Picture taking an entire day to wash your clothes. Stoking the fire, bringing water from the well, getting the cauldron ready for clothes steaming within, then rinsing and wringing and hanging every piece to dry.
Only a century or so ago, women didn’t have resources, finances, or room for all the paraphernalia we now have.
I read this idea in a book ( I thought it was The Magic of Thinking Big, by Marie Kondo – but I can’t find it now) — it shared the idea that the measure of an affluent society will increase the amount of non-essentials they purchase.
That term says it all. Think BabiesRUs and Hobby Lobby.
We’re told we need every gadget on the market. And that advice gets more powerful when we doing something new like expecting a baby.
And the sad part of that advice is that so much of it isn’t necessary and only adds to the complexity of your life — which ends up limiting your ability to simply enjoy your kids and your family life!
You can listen to my podcast, the Secret To Enjoying Your Kids if you want more to chew on!
Complexity overwhelms
I’m out of breath just thinking about it!
Now I’m going to ask you to risk getting out of breath thinking about it. ☺️
Take time to consider what might be non-essential in your home and life.
- What are truly the basics for you and for your baby? Your children?
- What might be getting in the way of enjoying life and family?
- What could be adding to your overwhelm?
- And even deeper than the questions about “things” consider your perspective on family life and children and keeping a home.
- What have you been told about parenting or giving birth or raising a child that could be adding to your feeling of overwhelm?
- Could a simpler lifestyle (things – activities – perspective) lead to less overwhelm and more joy?
How Are You Using Your Extra Time?
Just so you know, I enjoy modern conveniences as much as the next woman. Those things that help me get dinner on the table or throw in a load of clothes in a few minutes over the painstaking hours it took years ago — well yah!
But here’s a good question I ask myself. And it’s something you can chew on, too.
→ What am I doing with the hours I save?
→ What are you doing with the hours you save?
→ How will you choose to use them?
Will you take that extra time to watch your babies grow and learn — or to catch up on a Netflix series?
Will you use the newer conveniences like baby swings and automatic rocking beds as an alternative to holding, loving, and smiling at your baby?
Could you quite possibly be saving that time with your kids so you can get in an extra hour of work or worse yet, screen time. Ouch.
Remember, business and economy rules a culture.
And our culture convinces us these conveniences help us get more work done.
But at what cost?
I don’t have the answer for you as to how to find the correct balance.
But I do know, that there is a better one for your family.
It’s personal.
It’s between God and you.
But the most important aspect of parenting is finding that balance.
It will make a world of difference for you, your kids, and your family life.
And it’s going to affect the legacy you leave behind and forward to the next generations.
Your Most Important Work!
Oh, momma, those babies are your most important work!
They are your legacy — the future generation.
Don’t waste the precious time you could be spending with them — online, on social media, or in your home office.
Don’t be fooled into believing there’s more important work than your children’s lives — their future!
But remember:
→ You have options.
→ You get to choose.
→ You can discover how vastly important it is for the adult your child will become.
With the precious time you spend with your child, you’ll instill a sense of value that will last them a lifetime.
With the precious time you spend with your child, you’ll instill a sense of value that will last them a lifetime.
Please know I’m not saying you can’t work in your home office or you can’t get online.
It isn’t that we can’t do those things — but it’s the question of how we’re doing balancing time with our family.
Are we using those jobs in place of being a better mom – in place of time with our children?
Warm Loving Relationships Benefit Kids
“The University of Cambridge study used data from more than 10,000 people born between 2000 and 2002 to understand the long-term interplay between our early relationships with our parents, prosociality and mental health.
The researchers found that people who experienced warm and loving relationships with their parents at age three not only tended to have fewer mental health problems during early childhood and adolescence, but also displayed heightened ‘prosocial’ tendencies. This refers to socially-desirable behaviours intended to benefit others, such as kindness, empathy, helpfulness, generosity and volunteering.”
Interesting that just yesterday my daughter was talking about how her 2-year-old watches the UPS delivery guy come to the door. And as he’s leaving she says, “Thank you. You’re welcome.”
My daughter talked about how amazing it is that our kids pick up these societal norms like it said in the study. Kindness and gratitude.
It’s a crazy world that tells us that moms don’t matter and that others can do just as good a job raising our kids as we can. Of course, situations transpire and some moms can’t do their jobs well. There’s always room to help.
But because you’re reading this post, I’m guessing you’re the kind of momma who wants to do your job well. And you can and will do it well when you have the proper perspective.
But you’ll need to stop listening to the noise that tells you it’s so hard.
It is hard. But it’s not impossible.
And it certainly is God’s plan for His children!
Just How Important Is Parenting?
- Your smiles will encourage them to walk and run and play with more excitement.
- In their first critical years of life, your child measures success in how you respond to them. God created it that way!
- They learn confidence from your encouragement — which leads them to try new skills and expand their thinking and problem-solving.
- When your kids succeed in areas of interest, growth, and achievement — it will lead them to accept new challenges.
- They develop a sense of adventure from seeing Mom and Dad’s smiles of acceptance as they jump through another hoop or splash across the pool or hit the ball higher.
You are their sounding board and gauge for how they’re doing.
It’s God’s design!
- Proverbs 31:25-27 “Strength and honor are her clothing; she is confident about the future. Her mouth is full of wisdom; kindly teaching is on her tongue. She is vigilant over the activities of her household; she doesn’t eat the food of laziness.”
- Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”
- Proverbs 1:8-9: “Pay close attention, my child, to your father’s wise words and never forget your mother’s instructions. For their insight will bring you success, adorning you with grace-filled thoughts and giving you reins to guide your decisions.”
- Ephesians 6:1-3: “Children, if you want to be wise, listen to your parents and do what they tell you, and the Lord will help you. For the commandment, “Honor your father and your mother,” was the first of the Ten Commandments with a promise attached: “You will prosper and live a long, full life if you honor your parents.”
- Isaiah 49:15: “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?”
- Isaiah 66:13 “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.”
Psychologists have found that “positive parenting can promote children’s confidence and provide them with the tools needed to make good choices. It also nurtures their self-esteem, creativity, belief in the future, and ability to get along with others.”
A Beautiful Picture of Self-Esteem.
Early last summer, my three-year-old granddaughter wanted to learn to swim like the big kids. So my daughter and I became her patient “catchers” so she could practice. Over and over!
We figured she’d learn by the end of the summer. Nope! To our surprise, she learned in two days!
And with excitement for her newfound skill, she kept practicing every week.
She’d ask, “Grandmomma, will you help me practice? Will you catch me?”
So she brought me the floating chair to make sure I was comfortable — and off we’d go! And every week, you know what happened. She got better and better — swimming further each time.
So what am I getting at here?
Good parenting takes time!
Lots of it! Time is your most important commodity when it comes to motherhood.
You might get tired of hearing, “watch me!” But you’ll never tire when you see the outcome. The joy in that face. The success in an adventure taken. And the reward of growth and maturity along the way.
If you follow me on Instagram posts https://www.instagram.com/livingabovethenoise/ you’ll notice a few of my favorite hashtags are: #taketime #makingmemories #familyfirst .
And you know what? I believe God has blessed my priorities.
I stand amazed as I watch my adult children (and now my grandchildren) challenging the world with their ideas, branching out to think — and do — and succeed.
And now I’m challenging you!
Give your child a hug.
Put down the phone.
Curl up on the couch together and read a good book.
Discover together what excites them!
And then…go do that thing!
Find time to learn and grow and enjoy life — together.
