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Marriage 101 – Lessons from the Chickens!

“But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you; and the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you. Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you; and let the fish of the sea declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this, in whose hand is the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind?” Job 12:7-10

As I was teaching my children on our hammock the other day (yes, there really are advantages to Texas weather!), we heard our rooster give a funny call, a sort of loud purr. I thought nothing of it, but then noticed that a hawk was flying over our field. I looked back to the rooster as he gave another loud, purring squack. Along with this, we saw the last of his hens quietly scurrying into the coop. He turned one eye upward to survey the hawk with keen attention, then tiptoed into the pen behind them. We watched, amazed at the attention and protection this rooster was offering his ‘ladies’!

After a few minutes, the rooster slowly came out of his hiding place to peruse the situation. But he didn’t venture outside. He dared only to sneak into his protected pen from the backside of the coop, watching and listening. Then he gave a different call, something of a loud, gurgling cackle. Something new caught our attention!

From around our garage, some 50 feet away, nine other hens came out of hiding! They had obeyed his first call from afar, taking cover until receiving the go-ahead from their leader that it was safe to proceed. Now, they didn’t just wander and peck on their way to the coop. No – they scurried as quickly as they could, entering their safe haven as quietly and covertly as possible. What obedience!

After some time, the rooster sensed the coast was clear. He tiptoed out the door, checking for that floating enemy in the sky. As the hens perceived their leader felt safe, they came prancing out of cover to resume their foraging for grubs and seeds. All was well in Chicken Land again!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, you say, what is this all about? Why is she telling me about chickens?! God tells us to learn from the ant, the eagle, the sparrow, and more. Take a moment and see what lesson you can learn from these lowly animals, the chicken.

Who is your human protector, in your home and of your family?
Do you listen as attentively to him as these hens? Do you hasten to respond to his call?
Do you understand the danger when you wander and scrape for your existence without listening for his cautions?

Oh, I hear many of you saying, “But my “rooster” doesn’t look to the skies!” I understand. I’ve said it and feel it many times. But we must see beyond our current situation, and thank our Lord that He watches over us. Now – how would you answer the same questions above in regards to your Heavenly Protector?

Oh my, can we learn from this little community just outside my window!

What lessons has God shown you in creation?

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

On Becoming Grandma ….

By livingabovethenoise

Grandma with Annabelle and Jenna — Our First Sibling Grandbabies!

Our daughter-in-law delivered her baby on Thursday. We now have a new member of our family – a sweet baby girl named Annabelle!

My daughter informed me that I’m now Grandmomma to four! These three years since my first grandson was born have been quite a transition for me. You might think that becoming a grandmother would come quite naturally, but for me that was not the case.

Transitioning from Momma to Grandmomma has come with many new emotions. Add questions about what love and responsibility look like in my new role, to the already tiring and flooding feelings of menopause: hot flashes – sleepless nights (not from babies needing a feeding, but from my estrogen dominant hormones!) – a newfound sense of being less needed 24/7 by my own little ones – and you have a recipe for some depressing and confusing thoughts!

What is a woman’s role once her children don’t really ‘need’ her anymore? What service does she render to society, especially after spending the last 30 years raising children? Yes, I still have ten years to go, but those will be so easy compared to the last few decades!

I have to adjust to having more ‘me’ time than I can stand. I should have time to do things I couldn’t get done before, but my hormonal brain is a bit “fuzzy” (said like Meg Ryan in Who’s Got Mail!).

What is my role to my grandchildren? How much can I teach, train, reprove, or cuddle them? Will my adult children be offended thinking I might be trying to mother their children or prove a point?

And for a new question recently posed in our home – what happens when my adult child lets their child do something that we don’t allow in our home? Hmmmm? Something new to consider while we still are raising our younger ones!

I’m not trying to create problems that many of you may never have, but just sharing honestly some of my experience. I’m sure you’ve heard older adults say things like, “Grandparenting is so much more fun that parenting!” This always makes me smile kindly at them, while inwardly knowing that nothing in this life will trump being a mother!

Grandchildren are the crown of old men,

And the glory of sons is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

But, God is always growing and teaching us, and these last three years are not an exception. Although they may be awkward, I’m loving the lessons! And in recent months, God has given me a gift. The gift of new perspective. And this new view has made me grateful for this next phase of my life.

Somehow this fall, as our families were camping and all the grandbabies were with us, something clicked with me and I was able to cuddle, squish, and smooch them just as if they were my own babies! I was suddenly able to see these little people as the next ‘layer’ in my love for my own children! God helped me to see the next chapter in my life, my next role in this ‘play’.

So be encouraged! Know that God has a beautiful plan for your life – like a painting in process!

– We begin life dependent – needy for love, instruction, and protection.

– We move into independence as we become adults (never from God, of course, and hopefully we stay connected to parents and siblings!).

– But then there comes a shift from independence back into dependence when we marry. Two independent persons connect and create a healthy dependency on one another’s love, skills, and personalities to build a beautiful, stronger unit – family.

– This unit is now ready to take on the challenge of creating new life – raising new, little people needy for love, instruction, and protection!

– Now this is where the picture gets completed! As our children move forward in this cycle of life, we become part of an extended, multi-layered, multi-generational family.

God’s great plan uses our roles as mother and grandmother to lead, teach, protect, share life’s lessons and God’s love with this legacy that we call Family! We really can enjoy the journey.

Encouragement for Expectant Moms!

By livingabovethenoise

“Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy. Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world.” John 16:20-21

In talking with a ‘mom of many’, who is in her last weeks of pregnancy, complete with the many discomforts and hormonal mood swings, I listened as she excused the tears that welled so quickly. She explained that hers was not the pain of long-term illness, nor of something that would see no end, so how could she complain? Her ‘end’ was that of a sweet baby to cuddle and care for.

This caused me ponder what I had seen and heard…..

It’s been almost ten years since I was in her shoes, awaiting the last of my ten children, my precious son. In that span of time, I’ve been able to see beyond the weight gain, the backaches, and the other unpleasant physical accompaniments of pregnancy.

Our daughter-in-law is expecting her baby any minute. And as we wait for their phone call, my husband and I remember those expectant and anxious days of waiting and wondering when our little ones would enter the world. The prayers lifted up for safe deliveries and healthy babes. Those are amazing times of humility, patience, and vulnerability – isn’t this right where God wants us!

I’ve gained new perspective as I watch others in the same place where I spent many years. And it is from this place in time that I encourage you expectant moms!

~~~~~~~~

It’s so easy to think that we moms have to grin and bear our load of suffering simply because we’re ‘just’ moms! That our pain, or our frustrations, or our inadequacies for the job are somehow not as qualified as other’s. Even though you get a reward at the end of your pain, it doesn’t mean the pain is any less. You really are tired and hurting, and it’s okay to be feeling it.

We mothers were given the immense job of bearing and raising the next generation for God’s glory. We offer those “sweet babies” a warm, safe place to develop while our bodies stretch well beyond our comfort zone, losing lots of sleep in the process, and putting on pounds that have to be worked off in the coming months (well, years is more like it!). Then, in the next 18+ years, there comes the awesome, full-time occupation of – giving sustenance, comfort, and security – instruction in the how’s of living – training in righteousness – along with huge amounts of unconditional love thrown in on a 24 hours basis! This is no small task!

But what an honor! What a privilege to watch these little people – these little souls – grow and mature! To watch them turn from:

– sweet, innocent babes,

– to toddling bundles of curiosity,

– to independent troublemakers discovering the limits,

– to young adults ready for their venture into the world,

– and then finally and prayerfully, to competent and skilled adults who now become our friends!

I can’t imagine a more tiring, more stressful, more awesome, more honorable, more amazing job in the entire world than that of being Momma to my children. I pray you feel the same.

So I encourage you to take thought of these days of raising your children – these days of discomfort, questions, joys and confusion – these days of toil – and give them to God. Let God reveal His blessings as you watch the return for your work. It is work. It is hard work.

Now I’m not implying that we should complain and mope :o) – but do give yourself a break! Just because this time and discomfort and exhaustion shall pass, doesn’t make it any less of a trial.

So go ahead –

– Wince a bit when you roll out of bed for the 6^th time tonight for that ‘potty break’!

– Let your hubby bring you tea.

– Don’t feel you have to hide the circles under your eyes.

– Let your children bring you breakfast in bed, or better yet, just do school in bed. Shocking!

For now, you’re a laborer in the vast workforce of co-laborers, who are raising up a mighty generation for our Lord!

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15

Becoming A Woman of Worth

By livingabovethenoise

Do you feel undervalued or overwhelmed?

I don’t know about you, but there are times that I feel a bit undervalued and overwhelmed. Too much to do, too much I’m reaching for, and too many people who need me but don’t seem to notice how weary I am! I am again reminded of how, when I feel discouraged, I often try to find my value in my family and home, my skills, my intellect, or my homeschool…. It has taken me so many years and so many grown children to see that those are not ways to find my value.

Oh, do I cringe at all the books I’ve read or lectures I’ve sat through, seeking to become the perfect mom and wife, design the perfect homeschool, or ‘create’ the perfect, future adult! I am so grateful for a God Who has overridden my quest, and given me mercy for all my mistakes.

I am also grateful that He designed me to be a bit of a rebel (a nicer term is ‘independent’) because my family would be off the deep end by now! Fortunately I was given a personality that questions most everything and isn’t easily led astray – and that has been for our family’s benefit. Now, my husband may not always like my independence :o), but he has come to appreciate my perspective and hesitancy in following the crowd.

Where do you find your value?

Scripture tells us that we are not to find our value in whether: we look like June Cleaver; cook like Julia Childs; keep our homes like Martha Stewart; homeschool by the MOTH schedule, or function in our marriage like the Duggars! Each person, family, marriage, and home will look entirely different on the outside. Why? Because it’s the inside that matters! It’s the purpose that all those things are done for that counts, and it’s the attitude they are done with that glorifies our Father. God cares about our heart. He desires obedience rather than sacrifice. Our obedience is to Him and not someone else’s style, schedule or curriculum choices! And the only way we will find Him and His ways is in His Word and through prayer.

It’s so easy for us to look on the outside and think one family is doing great, or that another family is failing. Isn’t it so easy to think that if we just do ‘this’ or ‘that’, we’ll be fine, too? Or to define ‘failing’ by an activity or lack thereof? In homeschooling, don’t we often feel that if we just give up ‘this activity’ or add ‘that subject’ to our schedule, then we’ll be okay? So, we pour over the lastest homeschool magazine or attend another seminar to find that ‘perfect’ curriculum that will change our children’s attitudes about learning! Or we’ll find the perfect plan or schedule to make our family become oh, so perfect.

Now, I’m not saying that seminars or magazines are wrong! As a matter of fact, I just got finished reading an article in my favorite homeschool magazine, Home Educating Family. And there are many brave warriors who have gone before us and can point the way to a better and more effective home and family. I have learned numerous tips from seminars – but – if we think we’ll find our Utopian Homeschool, and if we get that giddy feeling that this year, because we’re doing what ‘so and so’ is doing, then we’ll have that perfect family, with straight ‘A’ students, and not lose our kids like ‘so and so’ did, we’re in for trouble!

Seek God’s outcome and not your own!

So when you’re feeling down, learn that the first thing to do is run to God! He wants a heart given to Him and His ways, living for His outcome and not our own or that of someone else we admire. He wants us to seek His Word for truth, not trying to find it in a seminar or textbook. He wants us to seek Him in prayer, truly asking for His ways and not our own or another’s. He wants us to look to Jesus as our example of righteousness and character, not to the person who’s standing at a podium or has written a book. This is where we will rightly find our true worth as a wife and mom – as a woman!

Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17

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