Pssst! There’s Really No Secret → Only a Perspective Change Is Required!
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Highlights:
This episode will encourage you to discover joy in raising your children for God’s glory and their good.
Did you know that some women have a hard time enjoying their kids? It’s especially difficult in a world that doesn’t love children. This topic might seem unusual to you — especially if you don’t struggle in this area — but that’s not the case for many mommas.
If you’re someone who struggles, take a deep breath — you’re not alone! Do you sometimes wonder about how parenting and joy can coexist?
You know, the noise, the mess, the constant teaching, the getting into your stuff, the questions, being on call 24/7. How in the world do you enjoy that?
Well, listen in!
On this episode we discuss:
- How our culture has wired us to expect reward and compensation for all our efforts. You’ve got to “feel it” — “be passionate” about it — or “love” it or it must not be worth it. And raising kids doesn’t fit that mold!
- Listen in for some surprising statistics on marriage and birth rates and how they reflect our changing times. Consider how they don’t reflect God’s view on marriage and children.
- Consider how babies are both time and soul-consuming. It’s normal to feel the pressure of parenting. Yet, God uses it to grow and refine us. To teach us to serve.
- Learn how to gain awareness of what and how you’re feeling — then begin using it to gain perspective of your situation. This is a game-changer for enjoying your kids.
- Look to God’s Word for wisdom and truth in your role in the life God gave you. There you will find grace and strength to love the life you’ve been given.
- Discover the future purpose God has for family and His Kingdom. You play a key role!
- Remember, you’re not only raising up and growing another human being – but you’re personally growing into a new person.
Time to Think:
- If we’re going to survive the statistics of marriage and family – we have got to become less and less selfish – less and less self-focused – and more and more servant-hearted.
- God offered a simple way to hone our character. Not the only way, but certainly one of the basic ways. And that’s simply to get married and raise a family and if we abide in His word, our growth will be good and honest and pure. To have a purpose higher than the compensation or rewards the world offers us. If we ignore His ways and listen to the sirens beckoning us to pull into their hidden harbor – there’s a good chance our growth won’t honor God and what’s best for our marriage and family.
- Who’s Job Is It To Raise Your Kids? Our culture has created a system that makes it normal to give birth to your children – then put them in daycare and then school – so you can pursue your passion.
- But what do you think God intended when He gave you children to raise? When he told parents to “train up our children in the way they should go?” Do you really believe it’s someone else’s job?
- Or do you trust that God has a bigger and greater intention than what the world tells you to be true?
- What’s true about your identity and how families are structured – from God’s design?
- Take time momma, to consider what you’ve been listening to and if it’s truth or a lie. For what have you been striving? And possibly, is this why motherhood just seems so hard?
- My hope is these will counteract the messages the world offers when it comes to children. Armed with new perspective, possibly you can move from frustration to enjoying your children.
Your answers to these questions will help you:
- Your Choices Affect Your Outcome — Choose Wisely
The heart of this topic is the core of finding pleasure in family life. Of becoming aware of what’s drawing you away from finding pleasure there. Of having fun together. Of feeling like a team.
The most important aspect of enjoying your kids is to contemplate what you truly want to see as a result of your parenting. - How do you picture your family life in ten years?
- What do you picture when you see your kids grown?
- What character do you want them to develop?
- What work ethic?
- What relational skills?
- What physical skills?
- Then go about finding the best way you know how to reach those desires – those goals. For more on this idea – go back to episode #8 on creating a Family Mission Statement. Lots of important things to consider there.
- The Flipside of Parenting — Let’s Go Back To The Future — Stop for a moment. Picture who you are – right here – right now.
- Do you know your mother and father put up with you when you were taking your diaper off? Or when you made messes? Or cutting your bangs or whatever else happened in all those years it took for you to grow up?
Now – pause and take a deep breath. - Are you grateful they did that?
- Are you grateful you’re alive?
- Are you glad you got to spend today the way you did – or that you get to go to work – or that you get to do anything you do simply because your parents took the time to raise you?
So…. can you take those day-to-day messes – those struggles and those challenges – and can you fast forward a bit? - Can you picture your child in 15 or 20 years as an adult?
- Can you picture and imagine that how you’re choosing to spend today, the sacrifices you’re making today – in those choices – in all the work – in each moment, you’re offering them life.
You’re offering them value for their life.
Words to Remember:
- “Autonomy” — the quality or state of being self-governing / self-directing freedom and especially moral independence.
Terry Covey @ Living Above the Noise:
- “When we listen to the world’s methodology that makes it normal to – only after a month or two after giving birth – go back to work and letting someone else take care for that baby for the majority of a day – I’ll be bold to state that we’re not going to bear the same fruit as with a mother who’s nurturing and available for those same hours. It’s a simple fact.”
- “We’re not going have the same relationship – and we’re certainly not going to have the same joy – as when we’re fully connected to the process of parenting. We can argue there are some moms who need a break, they don’t have the ability to bond or care or handle the stresses. There’s a lot to unpack in that situation alone – and it’s too much to discuss here. But, we’re looking at a whole issue. The reality that the tide is shifting and will we go out with it?”
- “God offered a simple way to hone our character. Not the only way, but certainly one of the basic ways. And that’s simply to get married and raise a family and if we abide in His word, our growth will be good and honest and pure. To have a purpose higher than the compensation or rewards the world offers us. If we ignore His ways, and listen to the sirens beckoning us to pull into their hidden harbor – there’s a good chance our growth won’t honor God and what’s best for our marriage and family.”
- “Before you know it, the family gathers at home, tired after a long day, to spend a few hours eating and watching shows or talking – and then off to bed – only to do it over and over again – for almost 2 decades. And then we wonder why there’s no joy! We wonder why people are quitting the idea of having children.”
- “But consider this – are we doing a disservice to them when we make life all about them? So by the time they become adults and get married all they can think is, “man. This is are work. I’m used to having things my way. I’m used to being able to meet my passions. I’m used to not having to serve that hard and I’m used to getting praise and compensation for my work!”
- “Remember, God gave you a body, a brain, and a heart from which to serve Him. Don’t be afraid to use it. You don’t have to get all your ideas or “shoulds” from others. Even from me.
You can trust your judgement – and if and when you feel inadequate – and that will be often! – of course, look to others who’ve gone before you.
But please don’t feel that an idea or perspective you have isn’t good enough to try.
We’re all in different seasons and situations. One size does not fit all!”
Bible Verses:
- “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7
- “But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:14
- “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deuteronomy 4:9
- “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” 3 John 1:4
- “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Psalm 78:4
- “And how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:15
- “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3
- “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do [including parenting], do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
- “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17
- “You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 11:19
- “And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.” Mark 10:13-16
- “Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” Psalm 34:11
- “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23
- “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” Isaiah 54:13
- “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7
Resources:
- Download my 10 Tips for Finding Joy in Your Children to help you gain a new perspective for enjoying your kids!
- To help you, I created my Think – Pray – Plan – Do journal sheet. (You can download it free on my website at livingabovethenoise.com/resources.
Take time to Use this sheet to record your thoughts. To pray about them and ask God for help or for confirmation.
Then sketch out a plan to get moving toward that vision or goal.
And that last part – the DO part? This is where the rubber meets the road! Just start! - My Think – Pray – Plan – Do Planner (with personal planning and review pages) is available on Amazon! ⤵️
- 12-Month Colorful Themed Pages
- 6-Month / January – June
- 6-Month / July – December
- “Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking (Overcome Toxic Thought Patterns and Take Control of Your Mindset)” by Jon Acuff, 2021
- “Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage To Make Us Holy More Than To Make Us Happy?” by Gary Thomas, 2015
- “Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls” by Gary Thomas 2017
- A new Pew Research Center analysis of census data finds that in 2019, roughly four-in-ten adults ages 25 to 54 (38%) were unpartnered – that is, neither married nor living with a partner.1 This share is up sharply from 29% in 1990.2
…all of the growth in the unpartnered population since 1990 has come from a rise in the number who have never been married.
The share of adults ages 25 to 54 who are currently married fell from 67% in 1990 to 53% in 2019, while the share cohabiting more than doubled over that same period (from 4% in 1990 to 9% in 2019).3 The share who have never been married has also grown – from 17% to 33%.
By the numbers: Over the last 50 years, the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped by nearly 60%.
Social barriers include marital aspirations and expectations, norms about childbearing, financial standards for marriage, the quality of relationships, an aversion to divorce, and children by other partners.
- Why are millennials and Gen Z waiting to get married? by The Deseret
According to The Hill, “In the prime adult years, ages 25 to 54, the share of married Americans has dwindled from more than two-thirds in 1990 to barely half today. Roughly 1 adult in 10 cohabits with a partner. Everyone else, in romantic terms, lives alone.”
“Threat of divorce” is one reason why younger generations may delay marriage.
The Hill said, “Other factors that have contributed to lower marriage rates are declining religious adherence to marriage, public disenchantment with marriage, and more recently, unstable jobs and strained finances, particularly among low-income earners and those with only a high school education.”
People who marry around the age of 30 are less likely to divorce than younger married counterparts — with one exception: religious people.
Institute for Family Studies said, “But we also have evidence suggesting that religious Americans are less likely to divorce even as they are more likely to marry younger than 30.”
Marriage has a myriad of concrete benefits, not just economic — such as better health, more involvement in communities and increased happiness. - The nation’s fertility rate has generally declined since 1957 when there were 122.9 births per 1,000 women ages 15–44. Preliminary 2022 data shows the fertility rate was less than half this, at 56.1. USA Facts.org
- The Mystery of the Declining U.S. Birth Rate
Up until the Great Recession, the number of babies born per woman in the United States had been quite stable for the previous three decades. The birth rate fluctuated within a relatively narrow range, often along with economic conditions, with fewer babies born during lean times and with births recovering when economic growth was stronger. However, the U.S. birth rate has fallen precipitously since the 2007 Great Recession, with no signs of reversing. This decline cannot be explained by demographic, economic, or policy changes. It is reflective of lower childbearing rates across successive cohorts.
The U.S. birth rate has fallen by 20% since 2007. This decline cannot be explained by demographic, economic, or policy changes.
No obvious policy or economic factor can explain much of the decline. The onset of the Great Recession clearly played a role in the early stages of the decline. Beyond that, it is difficult to identify any policy or economic factor that can statistically account for the continued decline. Casual observers have suggested that a variety of potential factors are responsible for the decline, including greater take-up of highly effective contraception, the high cost of raising children, improved occupational opportunities for women, and the high level of student debt carried by young adults. Our research finds little empirical support for these possible explanations. Moreover, none of the measures that have been shown in previous research to have a causal effect on annual birth rates – such as labor market conditions (beyond the Great Recession), certain social policy indicators (such as child support enforcement) or reproductive health policy measures (such as abortion clinic closures) – have changed in ways that can account for the drop in the national birth rate since 2007.
Shifting priorities could be the primary driver for the decline in the birth rate since 2007. There is survey and anecdotal data suggesting that perhaps more recent cohorts of young adults have different preferences for having children, aspirations for life, and views about parenting norms that are driving the decline in the U.S. birth rates. These shifts could reflect preferences and norms that changed primarily in earlier decades, long before 2007 – such as more intensive parenting practices and expanded economic opportunities for women – in ways that profoundly shaped the world views of today’s younger adults.
If the decline in births reflects a (semi)permanent shift in priorities, as opposed to transitory economic or policy factors, the U.S. is likely to see a sustained decline in birth rates and a general decline in fertility for the foreseeable future. This has consequences for projected U.S. economic growth and productivity, as well as the fiscal sustainability of current social insurance programs.
The U.S. birth rate has fallen by 20% since 2007. This decline cannot be explained by demographic, economic, or policy changes.
- The Problem With Spoiling Our Kids
Spoiling is essentially giving your kids everything they want. It might be because you love them and want to see them smile, or you’re using a gift as a reward. In either case, it is important for parents to practice restraint.
There are many negative long-term effects of spoiling, including giving your kids a sense of entitlement that can be hard to shake, even years down the road. Plus, when you give your kids everything they ask for, they will continue to get bored and dissatisfied with the toys they do have. This sense of never having enough can hamper their success and happiness as adults.
Thanks so much for listening in!
Find Living Above the Noise Podcasts here:
Reclaiming Family Life for the Intentional Christian Mom
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