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Lessons Learned From God’s Gift of Twins

Life has a way of getting away from us, doesn’t it? Just when we think we have things under control, something comes up and we’re off…..again!

The Gift of Twins

A few years ago, my nephew and his wife shared the news. They were expecting. Then they discovered it wasn’t one bundle of joy – but two! In our family, twins aren’t common, so this was pretty exciting! (Since then, my daughter surprised everyone by having twin girls on Christmas Day!)

But God has a way of giving us lessons we don’t realize we need to learn!

Only a month after the news of twins, an ultrasound revealed that “twin B” had developed hydrocephalus. And so began the whirlwind ride of several months. Along with much discussion and research, there were doctor visits and consultations with specialists. There was prayer given for wisdom and the baby’s health and healing. Plus, plans were made for the help needed to care for the other children who were waiting along with their parents during this time of uncertainty and unknown.

A Time To Serve

I was greatly blessed to share in this challenging time. My nephew and niece called on me to offer perspective from my midwifery experience along with emotional support during the birth and surgeries. It was a time when they were often too tired or afraid to think and make decisions.

My daughters and I spent several weeks with them through the critical days of this trial. We helped with the adjustment to having both babies (finally) at home. This was the true blessing of service!

Our children become competent and mature so they can bless others in need. And God is glorified.

The NICU - Our 'home-away-from-home' for two weeks. — The NICU – Our ‘home-away-from-home’ for two weeks.

Trial To Trust

The realities of this trial presented some of the most tiring and frustrating experiences we have ever dealt with. There were many factors:

a mom and the healthy twin recovering from a cesarean section in one hospital
a hydrocephalus baby and its surgery / recovery in another hospital
a tired dad who stayed nearly 24/7 by the bedside of his sick baby
a medical group who communicated poorly and had constantly changing standards of care
a dog who kept wetting the carpet because it missed it’s ‘mommy’ (yes, really! – the realities of home and family)
and many more…..

But through good and bad, this experience has been a huge blessing for us all!

We learned.

We prayed.

We got little sleep.

We saw friends and family offer help from all around, coming together to support one tired and fearful couple.

We cried.

We shared.

But most of all, we loved.

And finally, we rejoiced in the constant presence of God in our midst.

He provided healing and well-being to a baby that could have suffered a great handicap. This “little guy” recovered wonderfully from his surgery and learned to drink better each day from his bottle. His tiny misshapen head slowly remolded from his battle with hydrocephalus. His valve continues to work wonderfully and…there is Hope.

We are in awe at how God can use such a tiny baby to bring us all together.

To teach us His ways.

And to show us His love!

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him……Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:12, 17

Beyond Baby Basics

By livingabovethenoise

The topic of babies spurs much passion with women who love family and are—well—passionate about raising children for the glory of God. Babies have always been a huge part of my life. I became an aunt at the age of twelve, began my own journey of bearing ten children at twenty, and now enjoy watching my children have their own babies.

As I observe my adult children’s growing families, I realize how I much I’ve adjusted to not having babies. Only a few short years ago I couldn’t imagine this season. Now I have a new perspective that comes from a different vantage point. As I’ve watched my own babies grow up, I realize these grand-babies will soon do the same and in the blink of an eye will become adults. And that is what this mothering thing is all about. Growing adults!

We get so busy and filled with the best birth methods and feeding schedules and potty training guidelines that we forget that this time is only a season. Not that those things aren’t necessary decisions to make. We are to learn from our experiences, make wise choices, and develop our own lifestyle. And yet, in the course of life, so many of the details aren’t really that important.

Oh, I loved my home births, breastfeeding my babies, and trying infant potty training – but as my children grow out of all those stages, I realize that those things mattered more to me than to my child. What children need most is a mom who loves them and is there for them.

We can easily become obsessed with our child-bearing/mothering role, while forgetting the end result of our work. And if you’re anything like me you’ve heard this before. But I really didn’t take the advice seriously. I poured my whole being into making babies and raising them. And I’m glad for that. But, I often forgot the purpose of all my work – raising productive adults for God’s glory. I said it. I thought it. But too often, I got sidetracked.

Whose Glory Is It For Anyway?

It was easy to do this hard job of mothering for my own glory. So I would feel like I had accomplished something. So I would feel like the hard work was worth all the effort, by my own measuring stick. So my kids wouldn’t turn out “wrong.” The job of making babies is bigger, more fulfilling, and infinitely more eternal and important than anything we will ever do! But it’s not for us. It’s for the God we serve.

So I encourage and exhort you to pour your life into your children. But begin by praying for right motives. Don’t do it so you’ll feel good. Don’t do it so you’ll look good. Don’t do it so they’ll be better than others. Do it for one reason. To glorify your Father in heaven. Eternity is so much more important than today!

Your actions point your children to their Father:

Love your babies. Your unconditional love teaches them of the Father’s love.
Be trustworthy. As they learn to trust you, they will learn to trust the Father.
Have mercy on them. Let them make mistakes. This teaches them to understand and accept their Father’s mercy.
Sacrifice your life for them. This models the sacrifices their Father and their Savior made for them.
You are an ambassador for God. You are your babies first example of the Father’s love. But don’t forget, it’s all for God and God alone!

See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on him purifies himself, just as He is pure. (1 John 3: 1-3)

See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God….1 John 3: 1

Routine, A Book Project, and More….

By livingabovethenoise

Narcissus pseudonarcissus

– Daffodil –

As those who follow my blog know, I’ve been very ‘quiet’ lately. I’ll explain…..

After our family’s move last year, our routine went south. It amazes me how much a move can take out of us! We lose our sense of calm, routine, order…..the list goes on. We’ve moved many times since we were married, but this time all the work and exhaustion took it’s toll. We needed to rest. Which meant less time for writing. But the start of a new year boosted my motivation to get our family’s routine back in place. Well, I’m on a roll and have more energy for my day. Plus, the excitement of Spring in the air always helps!

Another stretching adventure for me is writing for Visionary Womanhood. And I’m not just talking about my monthly posts. Natalie, VW’s founder, has chosen ten women to write a book, Three Decades of Fertility, on women having babies in their older years. I think you’ll be inspired when you read the stories of “those” women who have teens and babies, or who have grandbabies while their still teaching their own children! I look forward to reading them all.

Well, it’s hard for me to believe, but I’m one of those ‘older’ women and I’m actually enjoying this stage of life – yes, it’s tiring, and challenging, too – but fun none-the-less! So, look forward to hearing the real stories of real women, and be encouraged to stay the course, in spite of what the world or even your fellow church members or family think of you! So, I have been typing away, yet it hasn’t been for my blog, but a gathering of my last 31 years of pregnancies, parenting, and growth in the Lord along the way! I’m working on my last bit of editing this week, and hope to be back on track with my blog writing soon.

Blog plans – I’ll be sharing about our family traditions, relationships, marriage, with Truth grounding it all. There’s so much going through my head these days! And so much that God is teaching me. Oh, if we would just focus our attention on Him, and be like Cornelius in Acts 10 – “a devout man, and one who feared (reverenced) God with all his household….and prayed to God continually.”

Blessings as you seek to become all that the Father wants you to be!

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. Luke 12:27

Accepting The Season of Menopause

By livingabovethenoise

A Variety of Suffering

I was asked to write on suffering for a friend’s blog. You might think it a bit odd that I would choose to write about menopause.

There is the intense suffering that comes from the loss of a loved one, such as a parent, child, or spouse. I don’t think anything compares to that type of suffering. But, changes in life such as menopause, and the infertility that comes alongside this physical phenomena, result in their own form of pain and affliction. They result in another type of finality.

Each ‘ending’ in our life, whether it be a person or a season, is used by God for His perfect result. We go through periods of suffering that are completely varied in appearance and severity. Some are intense and painful, while others are slow and steady. And those who are in menopause can certainly attest to the confusion, pain, and mixed emotions that accompany this change, along with the knowledge that their childbearing years are over.

A Long Season of Change

I won’t belabor the point by sharing the minute details of my pre and post menopause, but suffice it to say, it’s been a long, long season! It’s been over ten years since I began feeling the symptoms such as hot flashes, irregular cycles, confused thinking, and miscarriages. Although I’ve been completely in menopause (no menstrual cycles) for over three years, I still suffer from hot flashes and diminished cognitive processes. Yep, it’s been a long haul. And it feels even longer when I’ve had friends who speed through it in a year or so, with little or no symptoms! But we are each different and must accept what ‘the change’ will mean to us!

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—A time to give birth and a time to die…..

I have seen that nothing is better than that man should be happy in his activities, for that is his lot. For who will bring him to see what will occur after him? Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 22

The Real Trial

Now this little synopsis of my physical life in my forties and fifties is just the tip of the iceberg of what I’m writing about! The real trial for me in dealing with menopause has been the adjustment to not being able to bear more children. Now, for some of you, those days of hoping to have a little reprieve from the demands of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and ‘baby fat’ may seem too far off to even hope for. But believe me, that time comes, oh, so quickly and before you know it, there are no more babies to cuddle; no more sweet-smelling newborns to hear squirming next to you in the middle of the night. Yes, I know, we still have our snoring husbands, but somehow that’s just not the same!

Those who are ‘moms of many’ will understand me when I say, ”It’s just who we’ve become.” It’s where we’re most comfortable, and we’ve come to love and cherish having little ones under foot, not to mention, in our arms. And now those arms are mostly empty, and the ache is felt rather strongly some days. It’s like an addiction to being truly needed. And I relished it!

My youngest is going on eleven as I write this. So for several years I’ve had the adjustment of not being needed like I used to be. I don’t wake to a hungry baby, or hear a toddler crying for momma, or even a little one calling out “wipe me!” My children mostly can take care of themselves, but praise God for my younger crew. Without them, I think I’d go crazy without their hugs and ‘show-and-tells’!

I know, I know – you all are thinking my “diminished cognitive processes” are catching up with me! That I’ve forgotten how much work these little ones create. Oh, I do remember, each and every time my grandchildren come to visit! But this ‘not-being-needed thing’ is enough to wipe out any harried memory of those busy, busy times! I really do miss it.

Transition and Change

The good Lord blessed me with nine healthy pregnancies and births before my first miscarriage. That was the first sign of what was to come. I was blessed to deliver my last son before I had two more miscarriages. This ended my fertile years, and it was a blow to my picture of life as I knew it. I view these years as the easing out of my old role.

I was a busy mother. I was pregnant every two years. I was usually nursing a babe. I was needed to orchestrate the chaos of a family of twelve. I was living in a house full of little children, all in the differing stages of growth and development. I was……but that was only for a season. A new season was on the horizon.

This set the stage for a need to discover my new identity, my new ‘place’ in this world. The ‘new’ Terry. The me who didn’t have a baby on her hip. Or who didn’t need to store maternity clothes or nursing pads for next year :). Someone who could go out with her husband and not worry about when the next nursing was due. Someone who wasn’t needed all the time!

Again, I know most of you are thinking, “This woman is crazy!” But I’m for real. And I know others are feeling or will feel what I am writing here. Change is hard. And change after twenty five years is even harder. Now I understand what a man must feel when he retires. It’s the rediscovery of who we are in our new environment.

The Menopause Journey

So this has been my journey in the last five years. One of discovery. Finding myself in new territory. Adjusting to the new role of being a Grandmomma. It hasn’t been a smooth transition, and it’s taken time. But I’m beginning to love it!

I have more time on my hands, and yet less at the same time. When children grow up and begin to leave home, time is not your own anymore. Your schedule as a support person and grandmother is decreed by their days off work, their pregnancies, and their schedules. Flexibility is key.

Yes, flexibility was needed when my own little ones were underfoot, and yet, I led the pack. I decided what we did and when we did it. That is not the case anymore. Somehow I must balance my needs, along with managing our own home, all the while keeping my older children’s and their family’s schedules and needs important. So I have more time, yet I have less time. Maybe it’s that I have less choice. I can’t run the show like I used to. And for all points, that’s a very good thing.

And come to think of it – God used my many children to humble me. (Well, okay – I’ll insert a caveat for my children’s benefit – I was still pretty proud!) And He is using these menopausal, non-fertile years to humble me and keep me pliable. He does use everything to bend our knee, doesn’t He?!

Reaping The Benefits of Menopause

So what has this season of suffering through menopause reaped in my life? –

I’m learning all sorts of new character, like patience, humility, flexibility, loving-kindness, generosity, and more.
I’m finding that my walk with God is purer and less entangled.
I can’t cover my weaknesses with my busyness and micro-managing.
I’m learning to lean on God more and my family less.
And I see that God in His infinite wisdom has laid out a plan for life that weaves a beautiful tapestry out of all the stages of our lives!

I now see that although I’m not needed for those runny noses and scraped knees (although my ten year old is testing me on that one!) yet, I am still needed. Just in different ways. I’m still needed to encourage my older children in their marriages and parenting. I’m still needed to offer tips that I’ve learned over the years, and share my failures with them in the hopes they can avoid those same mistakes. I’m still needed to be there to simply lighten their load.

No, I no longer have my own babies to snuggle with at night – but when my kids visit, they’re so kind as to send their little ones in to see Granddad and Grandmomma – and we get the joy of snuggles again! So the finality of menopause and the end of childbearing is quiet an adjustment. But it is also the beginning of a new season of growth – and we can trust God through it all!

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—A time to give birth and a time to die…….I have seen that nothing is better than that man should be happy in his activities, for that is his lot. For who will bring him to see what will occur after him? Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 22