Adult Children Archives - Living Above the Noise

We Broke the Mold and Raised Responsible Adults!

Our big, happy homeschooled family filled with entrepreneurs! — Our family as of January 2019 (after my post updated) — They really do grow up! 😉

Our family’s style of raising responsible adults may be unique to many of you. We have homeschooled all ten of our kids. I’ve been at it for 29 years. (I know, I’m crazy!) But for our family, it’s been the best. thing. ever! And beyond home educating our crew, we believe that a college education is not the only avenue to success for an adult. Now don’t faint! Please read on. We have proof!

Only one of our children has attended college, and yet, they are each educated and qualified in the particular field they’re working in. To top it off — they make good incomes. Of course, if their area of interest required a college education (law, medicine, etc.) then we would definitely support that need. But there is a multitude of careers where experience and education can be gained through an internship, a learning process similar to apprenticeship of days gone by.

Our approach for growing children into adults has developed over the years. We didn’t intentionally work out this plan. But life and time have proven that it works! And it sure helps that our current culture of entrepreneurs finally supports our belief. (I have more posts on raising children here: How “Not” To Homeschool and Constructing Successful Adults.

Homeschool family learning skills on the computer. — Our oldest son, Cameron working on our family computers.

Endless Possibilities

Simply put, we provide lots of opportunities for our children to experience, learn, practice, and problem solve in numerous areas of interest. Some of those interests are ours personally, some are their siblings, and some come from their own curiosity and bent.

(“bent” — n. – direction taken, as by one’s interests; inclination. (Random House Unabridged Dictionary of American English)

When adding them all up, we’ve had (and still do have!) one very busy life filled with lots of activities and projects for them to experience. With all this experience and opportunity, they can then choose what it is they really like to do, and what it is they don’t ever want to do again! They can move on to gaining more knowledge and experience by studying, working with others, or starting their own business.

An example of this was when we got out of debt by selling our “dream” home to buy a two-bedroom, fixer-upper, complete with a certified organic orchard. Now I do believe God has a sense of humor. 😉 He proved it when we found out I was expecting our ninth child in the midst of this all! (Do note the number of bedrooms.)

We pretty much gutted that old house, and over a year’s time, rebuilt and doubled its size. And that first summer we began selling at a local farmer’s market and canned 400 quarts of fruit. Yah, we were one busy family!

Here’s what we learned: backhoe operation, concrete and foundation work, framing, plumbing, carpentry, stucco, roofing, carpet and tile laying, irrigation, farming, scheduling and management, marketing, sales…the list goes on! One comment I remember vividly when our project was nearing completion, my 13 year old son exclaimed, “I know what I don’t want to do when I grow up — stucco!” 🤔

Homeschool Family Construction Project learn skills and entrepreneurship. — Our four sons working on the house project together.

Face Your Fears!

Not every family will have the resources or time to provide the same opportunities as we had, but there are numerous ways to provide experiences in any number of categories. Allow yourself and your family to get creative and be open to the possibilities! Listen for God’s direction and don’t be afraid to try something new.

Fear stifles creativity.

We have so many fears:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of going against the flow.
• Fear of being inadequate.
• Fear of what others may think.
• Fear that this idea won’t work.
• Fear of what our relatives will say.
• Even fear of success and how our lives will change.

Here’s a real-life illustration of how fear inhibits us and our opportunities. Several years ago we made a move that was “out of step” with God. We moved forward when we knew it wasn’t the right timing. Rather than relying on God, we turned inward. We analyzed and hesitated and tried to avoid more mistakes. This “mistake” made us afraid to try new things.

In the many years of insecurity that followed, we’ve seen a distinct difference in what our younger children have been able to learn and experience. It took years to recover and build confidence in the process of trusting and trying and forging ahead — for each of us. But with God’s patience and kindness, we’re getting there and fortunately, children are resilient. I think more so than their parents!

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this — Fear takes the fun out of life and removes the chance to experience new challenges. Add to that, we miss the opportunity to learn from those mistakes!

How great is our God who asks us to step out in faith, both for our good and for that of our children!

But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12: 18-20

Midwife with African Premie — Shayna practicing midwifery in Africa

Real-Life Examples From Our Home Educating Family

Our sons and daughters have always worked alongside us as we managed our home and raised our family. This allows them to excel at skills and gain experience in numerous ways. So much of who they are and what they do best has been learned in our home. Children learn the foundational ideas of responsibility, character, perseverance, relationships, duty — all of which add up to maturity.

So – are we capable of raising responsible adult children?

After 40 years — and asking myself that question whenever I felt weak or inadequate — Yes! With thought and prayer and trust in God to work out the details, I belive you can.

And I can offer you hope with some real-life examples from our family:

Shayna, 39, gained much experience being my right-hand gal as I ran our home, but also from tagging along while I assisted our local midwives. This experience helped her decide to invest the time and energy to apprentice and train to become a licensed midwife (Simply Classic Midwifery Care). She’s now a mom to five unique and fun-loving kids and owns and manages two local shops (Timberwolf Sawmill & Ozark Collaborative) with her husband, Spencer.

Jessie, 37, has a “math brain” (unlike myself!) and always enjoyed working with numbers and finding great deals for our family. She used her accounting and management skills to help her husband, Connor, maintain a frugal lifestyle, which enabled him to grow and learn in his field of work. Now they work together running a successful local roofing business, MidCon Exteriors.

Our oldest son, Cameron, 35, has always loved working on computers, so that became his “thing” in our family. He was our computer tech, researching the best equipment, finding solutions to our problems, and purchasing computers and accessories to make our home life easier. He has worked for Institute for Excellence in Writing for 12 years as Manager of Information Systems, constantly using and gaining more knowledge and experience. He is married to a wonderful wife, Erin, and they have two children.

Our second son, Spencer, 33, was our always-busy, constantly-moving (and getting hurt!) child. He loved to create and build, so we provided various tools and materials for him to work with. We remodeled our homes, allowing him to learn and practice many new skills along the way. He watched contractors work in their field of expertise to discover how and why they did what they did. (He’s the one who didn’t ever want to do stucco!) He is now a qualified and experienced independent contractor and owns Covey Construction in the Houston area, plus he owns and manages a wedding venue, Magnolia Meadows Wedding Venue with his wife, Katie, and their four children.

Lydia, 30, is a professional harpist having dreamed of playing since she was a young girl. She built a successful business, with many fun memories shared while traveling 2 hours for lessons and us chaperoning her first gigs! She paid off her $19,000 harp plus paid cash for both her Toyota Highlander and her education at Eric Ludy’s Bible school, Ellerslie. (No, she didn’t get a college degree at Ellerslie, but she gained a deep, abiding knowledge of God, and that’s enough to bring success for a lifetime!) She worked part-time at a local florist, where she learned that she loves floral design! She then interned with an amazing floral designer in Colorado where she learned amazing floral arranging and business skills. Lydia now owns Frances Floral Design and recently got married to Peter.

Sophie, 26, loves photography. She spent several years discouraged because she didn’t have a specific interest or “bent”. She saw her siblings succeeding at what they loved, yet felt God had left her out. But in His timing, He saw fit to reveal her artistic side. After taking local classes in photography, she’s started a blog, Smile for Sophie, and a photography business using her talents. She now uses her skills creating images for Institute for Excellence In Writing’s social media account. She’s married to Josh and they just had their second child.

So you can see that offering your children plenty of time to ‘practice’ working on their interests allows them time to find their niche before they invest time, money, and training for something they may not enjoy or be skilled at.

So Relax! There are many avenues to success as an adult.

Remember — God’s in charge. You provide the opportunities. He’ll take care of the rest!

You can read my related posts How ‘Not’ To Homeschool and Constructing Successful Adults.

But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12: 18-20

“Constructing” Successful Adults

By livingabovethenoise

Have you ever felt that raising a child to adulthood is as complicated as managing the construction of the major building? As parents, we often wonder if we’re capable of teaching our children what they need to know to be successful adults.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been raising future adults for almost 40 years. I know I’ll sound old (I guess I am “older!” 😉) but it honestly doesn’t feel like four decades!

Each one of my kids has created new challenges in my parenting adventure. But one view hasn’t changed over the years — I viewed our children as adults in the making. And I know they develop maturity because of that perspective.

Here’s a caveat — all my parenting experience doesn’t mean I have all the answers. Not a chance! I’ve messed up, tried too many ineffective methods, and have learned what really matters along the way. And you will, too! Trust the process. God has your back!

To our family, success in life means:

Using the talents God has given each one of us
Gaining experience and opportunity in that area and many more
Being able to love what we do
Being responsible in all areas of life
Being able to love others well
All the while glorifying our God Who created us

Now it’s your turn. I’m sure you’ve found there are many avenues to and definitions of “success” in this world. How do you define success? Go ahead, write out your answer. I’ll wait. You’ll use this answer to help process through finding your best methods for raising your kids — ones that will bless you and reap rewards for generations to come.

Oh, So Many Options!

Our family has been around the block and back when it comes to the various trends that promise to produce the well-trained, extremely prepared, totally godly, and quality character-filled adult. Oh my, do we underestimate the effort that goes into raising a baby when we first begin family life! And when we discover how hard it is, we start grasping at the next idea that comes along with its promises of raising another Einstein or corporate CEO or the next president!

But by God’s amazing grace — and some will power, persistence, and common sense — we can and will do get the job done. Now the question arises. How? How do we raise godly, mature adults?

The answer is actually quite simple.

By leaning on God and His Word for what is truly important in this life. No sidestepping our duties; no relying on the world for its tricks of the trade. Just total trust and obedience to what really matters to God. And you’ll find what really matters to Him when you immerse yourself in Scripture to find the answers. Remember, He designed you and your family and He really does know best how to deliver on His promises!

You’ll prove that His ways work when you live like you believe it!

Working Together — My youngest son (age 5) helping a friend remodel a house.

Risky Business!

Others will tell you the answer is in “this curriculum” or “that character education” or another “method” to guarantee maturity. Learning about the various options is a way to discover what may work for your family, but remember, there is no one method or program that will achieve results for every type of child/adult. Each has its benefits when used in the right circumstance and family setting. But try to use one of those “right methods” with the wrong personality type or family style and you have a recipe for disaster. And worse yet, your child’s confusion about how to achieve “perfection” can turn to rebellion as adulthood is neared.

I’m not trying to cause you to worry, but when pushed and prodded to become like your friend’s son or daughter or wear that letter on their jacket or get that degree after their name, a child can turn his frustration and stress into giving up on the whole “adult thing.” They get tired of performing. They may quit “adulting” altogether! (Don’t you just love that new term? 🙄) We parents can succumb to that same intense pressure to perform. Have you ever felt like quitting? Been there, done that, have the t-shirt! 😩

If you have older kids, how do you feel when asked THE question. You know the one. It strikes fear into you and your high school child. “What are your plans after you graduate?” We cringe and sweat (My mother used to say “Girls don’t sweat, they perspire!” Love you, Mom!) and we worry about what to say so we’ll look in control and “normal.” We might even change what we choose or believe is best, just to avoid that stress. Not a great plan.

Don’t get me wrong — pressure can be a good thing, but being prepared to deal with it needs to be thought through and prayed about. What is God is showing you and your child that feels right for his or her bent? In my article, How “Not” To Homeschool, I share the importance of working with your child’s individual talent and interests. This helps a child grow into the person God designed them to be.

Each child is unique and boy does that keep us on our toes (and knees)! But that’s just the way we need to roll in order to help them develop and mature in the amazing process of raising successful adults.

You can read my next post on this topic – Breaking the Mold For Raising Responsible Adults. I’ll share our family’s approach for raising children to adults, and how our older ones have developed in their careers!

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

On Becoming Grandma ….

By livingabovethenoise

Grandma with Annabelle and Jenna — Our First Sibling Grandbabies!

Our daughter-in-law delivered her baby on Thursday. We now have a new member of our family – a sweet baby girl named Annabelle!

My daughter informed me that I’m now Grandmomma to four! These three years since my first grandson was born have been quite a transition for me. You might think that becoming a grandmother would come quite naturally, but for me that was not the case.

Transitioning from Momma to Grandmomma has come with many new emotions. Add questions about what love and responsibility look like in my new role, to the already tiring and flooding feelings of menopause: hot flashes – sleepless nights (not from babies needing a feeding, but from my estrogen dominant hormones!) – a newfound sense of being less needed 24/7 by my own little ones – and you have a recipe for some depressing and confusing thoughts!

What is a woman’s role once her children don’t really ‘need’ her anymore? What service does she render to society, especially after spending the last 30 years raising children? Yes, I still have ten years to go, but those will be so easy compared to the last few decades!

I have to adjust to having more ‘me’ time than I can stand. I should have time to do things I couldn’t get done before, but my hormonal brain is a bit “fuzzy” (said like Meg Ryan in Who’s Got Mail!).

What is my role to my grandchildren? How much can I teach, train, reprove, or cuddle them? Will my adult children be offended thinking I might be trying to mother their children or prove a point?

And for a new question recently posed in our home – what happens when my adult child lets their child do something that we don’t allow in our home? Hmmmm? Something new to consider while we still are raising our younger ones!

I’m not trying to create problems that many of you may never have, but just sharing honestly some of my experience. I’m sure you’ve heard older adults say things like, “Grandparenting is so much more fun that parenting!” This always makes me smile kindly at them, while inwardly knowing that nothing in this life will trump being a mother!

Grandchildren are the crown of old men,

And the glory of sons is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

But, God is always growing and teaching us, and these last three years are not an exception. Although they may be awkward, I’m loving the lessons! And in recent months, God has given me a gift. The gift of new perspective. And this new view has made me grateful for this next phase of my life.

Somehow this fall, as our families were camping and all the grandbabies were with us, something clicked with me and I was able to cuddle, squish, and smooch them just as if they were my own babies! I was suddenly able to see these little people as the next ‘layer’ in my love for my own children! God helped me to see the next chapter in my life, my next role in this ‘play’.

So be encouraged! Know that God has a beautiful plan for your life – like a painting in process!

– We begin life dependent – needy for love, instruction, and protection.

– We move into independence as we become adults (never from God, of course, and hopefully we stay connected to parents and siblings!).

– But then there comes a shift from independence back into dependence when we marry. Two independent persons connect and create a healthy dependency on one another’s love, skills, and personalities to build a beautiful, stronger unit – family.

– This unit is now ready to take on the challenge of creating new life – raising new, little people needy for love, instruction, and protection!

– Now this is where the picture gets completed! As our children move forward in this cycle of life, we become part of an extended, multi-layered, multi-generational family.

God’s great plan uses our roles as mother and grandmother to lead, teach, protect, share life’s lessons and God’s love with this legacy that we call Family! We really can enjoy the journey.