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Building Up Without Burning Out – Growing Children Into Adults – Part Three

Hopefully you’ve read my posts Part One and Part Two of this series.

We’ve covered:

simplifying home education to avoid burn out
the freedom to learn from various adventures and interests
and the innumerable knowledge, lessons, and skills learned from those activities!

But what about……

Educational Requirements?

Now I know what you might be asking! How do you stay on track with the necessary educational requirements? How do you fit them in? Our family sees the “Big 3” – reading, writing, arithmetic as fundamental for all ages. Along with Bible, of course. We add in and basic history and science to wet their interest and give them a foundation. Then come the basic high school requirements – science, history, higher math, along with adding knowledge to their ‘bents’ and interests..

We use an assortment of curriculum I’ve found to be my favorites. I’ve created a family resource that is a K-12 list of all the yearly textbooks/workbooks/reading materials which are the foundations of our children’s schooling. But they don’t rule us. I rule them! Profound, huh?!

For example, if we’re working on a remodel project or taking a trip for a CW reenactment, that adventure becomes the mainstay of education for those weeks or months. We try to have the kids do math, spelling, and Bible most days when we’re busy on a project or adventure. This doesn’t always work, but having it as a goal helps to keep them from falling behind in the basics. During spare time they read textbooks or literature early in the morning, or during car travel. Believe it or not, they choose to get up early to do their “school” so they can have the rest of the day for real life!

Life Is Our Classroom

I believe we’ve lost the understanding that life is our classroom. Yes, we need the basics, but understanding those basics is wrought in the real life activities we use them for! I’ve seen my adult children prove their capability even though they haven’t done “school” like others we know. They are proving through their life that they “got” the lessons – both the textbook lessons and the real-life lessons!

So going back to the question about managing school and real-life. You just don’t let textbooks, and what educational “professionals” suggest, dictate your day! You decide what you and your children want to really learn about. Just be sure it isn’t the latest movie or video game!

Meeting Needs Without Burning Out

Now for the last question –

“In short, what is the best way to meet everyone’s individual needs, without mom and dad burning out?”

I guess the answer to that lies in how you, as a parent, view your life. We moms spend the majority of our time meeting the needs of our family. But, we each have our own view of our life and our role as ‘mom’. Some women know what they want and make their family adjust to their plan. Others are more free in what their day looks like and flex more. Your personal views will affect how each of you gets burnt out.

The first mom gets “burned out” when she doesn’t meet her schedule, or have her clean home, or get to her church Bible study. And the second mom gets “burned out” when she says yes a hundred times in one day, or she can’t find the baby in the pile of laundry in the living room. Each mom has different needs and so the “burn out” stems from differing catalyst.

The real answer to that question will be found in searching your heart and your personality.

What makes you tick?
What “gets your goat”?
What do you need to thrive?
What should you avoid to keep from going buggy?

And don’t feel like you’re being selfish! God made each of us to function best in certain ways, you know, right brain/left brain, organizer/flexible.

In answering these questions and really taking time to “consider your ways” you can find a rhythm that works for you! Just remember – what works for one family, won’t necessarily work for another. My willingness to sew quilts, breed goats, dress in 1860’s attire, or remodel our home may not work for you. And that’s okay! The reality is that I didn’t always want to do those things either! But there are ways to make even the things you dislike doing work for your children and their interests.

Compromise Benefits Everyone!

Here’s a few examples of ways we worked out a compromise.

I’ve sat through many a music lesson, while my heart’s desire was to be home. Our daughter who plays the harp had a two hour drive to lessons. We decided upon a lesson every two weeks to avoid me being gone from our other children so often.
I’ve driven my boys (when they were 12-16) to mow properties in our area, but as soon as our son turned 16 he got his license so I wouldn’t have to drive them. Our other children waited to get their licenses because of cost, lack of need, and a desire to have them grow in maturity before getting behind the wheel.
All those Civil War reenactments were often taxing on my energy, especially when I had to nurse in a corset! Yep! But when we’d be driving back home, I knew it was all worth it. The family time, the lessons learned, the light shed. And my helpful husband sometimes took the children while I stayed home for a quiet weekend.

So I guess it’s just a matter of finding the balance. And isn’t that the thing about life? Every day is a lesson. Every year we know more. One year we swing one direction in our opinions or ideas, and the next God brings us to the opposite side of the pendulum to reveal something new!

So this year, discover something new with your children! – You’ll learn about yourself. – You’ll learn about each child. – And you’ll discover more of God.

Enjoy the journey!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philipians 4:6

Building Up Without Burning Out – Growing Children Into Adults – Part Two

By livingabovethenoise

Okay, so we’re going for no “burn out” when it comes to home educating our children. I’ll answer a reader’s questions and share some practical application for our family’s ‘method’.

“…if you might share some thoughts on how to try new things without burning up the roads and constantly being ‘on the go’”.

Home Education not Road Education!

First off, let me tell you who I am. I love being home! So this one’s easy! And it translates into avoiding outings as much as possible. During our first years of homeschooling, we attended our homeschool group’s activities, until I was burning out trying to do what I wanted to do in our day, along with what seemed to be the ‘right’ thing to offer my children in extracurricular classes. Totally not my thing!

So we stayed home, and I finally stopped feeling guilty. Especially as we saw the new things we could take on that we were interested in….

Exploring Life’s Possibilities Through Home Education

“How do you encourage exploration within a large family and still manage to do homeschooling?”

Our philosophy – encouraging exploration is homeschooling! Discovery, investigation, and all it entails is the fundamental aspect of home education, along with the freedom to work with our family style and our children’s interests!

Here are some of the activities we were able to do once we let go of all the extras:

Planted vegetable gardens and learn about soil, fertilizer, plant growth, and “putting by” our produce.
Sewed warm lap quilts during the rainy/cold season. The children calculated their own fabric needs and designed and sewed their quilts – boys included! The guys still don’t hesitate to fix their own clothes or sew parachutes, gun bags, and other fun things.
Participated in Civil War reenacting, which stemmed from our oldest daughter’s love – history. We researched, designed, and sewed our clothes and our tent. We read and read and read to learn behind-the-scenes truth about the political issues of the time. We visited historic sites. We learned to make pies in a Dutch oven over the open fire. We learned communication skills and how to instruct the “public” in historic skills.
We remodeled our homes. Construction, fencing, painting, organization, decorating…
We ran a certified organic orchard, which meant learning new rules of gardening along with pruning correctly and how to sell at the local farmer’s market. Again, communication and sales were learned by all.
We’ve had chickens, goats, horses, cats, and dogs over the years. Much is learned from the care and breeding of animals. Our sons have had “egg” businesses for years, selling to local customers. And our daughters had raised registered dairy goats to earn money.
All our children create and sell hand made items at local craft fairs. Again, sales, accounting, marketing, research, creativity, skills training….

And beyond all these areas, which teach so many skills it’s hard to count, there are all the children’s individual interests and work experience. These included: violin, piano, harp, mowing properties, nanny-ing, house cleaning, teaching music lessons, small scale remodeling, alteration and sewing, filing and medical assisting for a local doctor. And that’s just what I can remember!

So you can see, staying home to ‘home’ educate certainly has advantages. It offers us the time to learn and explore our children’s bents and talents, all the while adding to their wonderful and fulfilling education!

In my next post I’ll talk about educational requirements and answer the next question.

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Building Up Without Burning Out – Growing Children Into Adults – Part One

By livingabovethenoise

This week I’ll be answering a question posed by a reader of my post, Breaking the Mold in Raising Adult Children.

“I was wondering, too if you might share some thoughts on how to try new things without burning up the roads and constantly being ” on the go”. How do you encourage exploration within a large family and still manage to do homeschooling? In short, what is the best way to meet everyone’s individual needs, without mom and dad burning out?”

Hmmm. Those are big questions with so many possibile answers it can be mind numbing! And if you feel apprehensive (like I do) about giving your children what they need to become productive citizens, your mind has been numbed before! So, let’s break the mold ourselves and just – not – go – there!

Don’t think you have to know it all and do it all. Don’t think you have to read every book and try everything I suggest or every other writer out there in this crazy cyber world!

There! Do you feel better?

Being Molded By A Sovereign God

Good! Now I feel safe to write my ideas without thinking you might think you have to do them. Just read on and see what might work in your home with your family. They obviously worked in ours, but we are unique just like you are unique.

I’ve recently come to a new realization. What if I used a different set of tools or style of raising my children? Would they still turn out “okay”? I really think so! Of course, this answer depends on whether we’re talking about being lazy or not living by godly principles. Then we’d definitely have a different outcome. But just imagine that only the tools or the style is different.

I really believe that our sovereign God would create other opportunities and adventures to test us and mold us and our children – into the very person He created us each to be! Isn’t that a mind-boggling thought? We don’t have to know the outcome, we just have to be obedient to follow God’s ways and teach our children of Him and his Word! We leave the result to Him. What a relief!

Okay, so that was a slight rabbit trail, but it comes back to the topic of raising our children to be successful and responsible adults without burning out. So hopefully your fear is quelled! God will work it out for His glory. Success!

Now onto our family’s ‘method’ for practical application….

Please check back in a few days or better yet, make it easy on yourself and get my posts in your inbox by subscribing in the “Follow My Posts” box on the right!

And when they heard this, they lifted their voices to God with one accord and said, “O Lord, it is You who MADE THE HEAVEN AND THE EARTH AND THE SEA, AND ALL THAT IS IN THEM… Acts 4:24

We Broke the Mold and Raised Responsible Adults!

By livingabovethenoise

Our big, happy homeschooled family filled with entrepreneurs! — Our family as of January 2019 (after my post updated) — They really do grow up! 😉

Our family’s style of raising responsible adults may be unique to many of you. We have homeschooled all ten of our kids. I’ve been at it for 29 years. (I know, I’m crazy!) But for our family, it’s been the best. thing. ever! And beyond home educating our crew, we believe that a college education is not the only avenue to success for an adult. Now don’t faint! Please read on. We have proof!

Only one of our children has attended college, and yet, they are each educated and qualified in the particular field they’re working in. To top it off — they make good incomes. Of course, if their area of interest required a college education (law, medicine, etc.) then we would definitely support that need. But there is a multitude of careers where experience and education can be gained through an internship, a learning process similar to apprenticeship of days gone by.

Our approach for growing children into adults has developed over the years. We didn’t intentionally work out this plan. But life and time have proven that it works! And it sure helps that our current culture of entrepreneurs finally supports our belief. (I have more posts on raising children here: How “Not” To Homeschool and Constructing Successful Adults.

Homeschool family learning skills on the computer. — Our oldest son, Cameron working on our family computers.

Endless Possibilities

Simply put, we provide lots of opportunities for our children to experience, learn, practice, and problem solve in numerous areas of interest. Some of those interests are ours personally, some are their siblings, and some come from their own curiosity and bent.

(“bent” — n. – direction taken, as by one’s interests; inclination. (Random House Unabridged Dictionary of American English)

When adding them all up, we’ve had (and still do have!) one very busy life filled with lots of activities and projects for them to experience. With all this experience and opportunity, they can then choose what it is they really like to do, and what it is they don’t ever want to do again! They can move on to gaining more knowledge and experience by studying, working with others, or starting their own business.

An example of this was when we got out of debt by selling our “dream” home to buy a two-bedroom, fixer-upper, complete with a certified organic orchard. Now I do believe God has a sense of humor. 😉 He proved it when we found out I was expecting our ninth child in the midst of this all! (Do note the number of bedrooms.)

We pretty much gutted that old house, and over a year’s time, rebuilt and doubled its size. And that first summer we began selling at a local farmer’s market and canned 400 quarts of fruit. Yah, we were one busy family!

Here’s what we learned: backhoe operation, concrete and foundation work, framing, plumbing, carpentry, stucco, roofing, carpet and tile laying, irrigation, farming, scheduling and management, marketing, sales…the list goes on! One comment I remember vividly when our project was nearing completion, my 13 year old son exclaimed, “I know what I don’t want to do when I grow up — stucco!” 🤔

Homeschool Family Construction Project learn skills and entrepreneurship. — Our four sons working on the house project together.

Face Your Fears!

Not every family will have the resources or time to provide the same opportunities as we had, but there are numerous ways to provide experiences in any number of categories. Allow yourself and your family to get creative and be open to the possibilities! Listen for God’s direction and don’t be afraid to try something new.

Fear stifles creativity.

We have so many fears:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of going against the flow.
• Fear of being inadequate.
• Fear of what others may think.
• Fear that this idea won’t work.
• Fear of what our relatives will say.
• Even fear of success and how our lives will change.

Here’s a real-life illustration of how fear inhibits us and our opportunities. Several years ago we made a move that was “out of step” with God. We moved forward when we knew it wasn’t the right timing. Rather than relying on God, we turned inward. We analyzed and hesitated and tried to avoid more mistakes. This “mistake” made us afraid to try new things.

In the many years of insecurity that followed, we’ve seen a distinct difference in what our younger children have been able to learn and experience. It took years to recover and build confidence in the process of trusting and trying and forging ahead — for each of us. But with God’s patience and kindness, we’re getting there and fortunately, children are resilient. I think more so than their parents!

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this — Fear takes the fun out of life and removes the chance to experience new challenges. Add to that, we miss the opportunity to learn from those mistakes!

How great is our God who asks us to step out in faith, both for our good and for that of our children!

But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12: 18-20

Midwife with African Premie — Shayna practicing midwifery in Africa

Real-Life Examples From Our Home Educating Family

Our sons and daughters have always worked alongside us as we managed our home and raised our family. This allows them to excel at skills and gain experience in numerous ways. So much of who they are and what they do best has been learned in our home. Children learn the foundational ideas of responsibility, character, perseverance, relationships, duty — all of which add up to maturity.

So – are we capable of raising responsible adult children?

After 40 years — and asking myself that question whenever I felt weak or inadequate — Yes! With thought and prayer and trust in God to work out the details, I belive you can.

And I can offer you hope with some real-life examples from our family:

Shayna, 39, gained much experience being my right-hand gal as I ran our home, but also from tagging along while I assisted our local midwives. This experience helped her decide to invest the time and energy to apprentice and train to become a licensed midwife (Simply Classic Midwifery Care). She’s now a mom to five unique and fun-loving kids and owns and manages two local shops (Timberwolf Sawmill & Ozark Collaborative) with her husband, Spencer.

Jessie, 37, has a “math brain” (unlike myself!) and always enjoyed working with numbers and finding great deals for our family. She used her accounting and management skills to help her husband, Connor, maintain a frugal lifestyle, which enabled him to grow and learn in his field of work. Now they work together running a successful local roofing business, MidCon Exteriors.

Our oldest son, Cameron, 35, has always loved working on computers, so that became his “thing” in our family. He was our computer tech, researching the best equipment, finding solutions to our problems, and purchasing computers and accessories to make our home life easier. He has worked for Institute for Excellence in Writing for 12 years as Manager of Information Systems, constantly using and gaining more knowledge and experience. He is married to a wonderful wife, Erin, and they have two children.

Our second son, Spencer, 33, was our always-busy, constantly-moving (and getting hurt!) child. He loved to create and build, so we provided various tools and materials for him to work with. We remodeled our homes, allowing him to learn and practice many new skills along the way. He watched contractors work in their field of expertise to discover how and why they did what they did. (He’s the one who didn’t ever want to do stucco!) He is now a qualified and experienced independent contractor and owns Covey Construction in the Houston area, plus he owns and manages a wedding venue, Magnolia Meadows Wedding Venue with his wife, Katie, and their four children.

Lydia, 30, is a professional harpist having dreamed of playing since she was a young girl. She built a successful business, with many fun memories shared while traveling 2 hours for lessons and us chaperoning her first gigs! She paid off her $19,000 harp plus paid cash for both her Toyota Highlander and her education at Eric Ludy’s Bible school, Ellerslie. (No, she didn’t get a college degree at Ellerslie, but she gained a deep, abiding knowledge of God, and that’s enough to bring success for a lifetime!) She worked part-time at a local florist, where she learned that she loves floral design! She then interned with an amazing floral designer in Colorado where she learned amazing floral arranging and business skills. Lydia now owns Frances Floral Design and recently got married to Peter.

Sophie, 26, loves photography. She spent several years discouraged because she didn’t have a specific interest or “bent”. She saw her siblings succeeding at what they loved, yet felt God had left her out. But in His timing, He saw fit to reveal her artistic side. After taking local classes in photography, she’s started a blog, Smile for Sophie, and a photography business using her talents. She now uses her skills creating images for Institute for Excellence In Writing’s social media account. She’s married to Josh and they just had their second child.

So you can see that offering your children plenty of time to ‘practice’ working on their interests allows them time to find their niche before they invest time, money, and training for something they may not enjoy or be skilled at.

So Relax! There are many avenues to success as an adult.

Remember — God’s in charge. You provide the opportunities. He’ll take care of the rest!

You can read my related posts How ‘Not’ To Homeschool and Constructing Successful Adults.

But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12: 18-20

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