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Legalism – Tearing Down Babel – Part 1

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Tower of Babel, Gustave Dore'

We’ve all heard the buzz when a Christian leader falls into sin. A Christian organization’s false and harmful teaching is exposed.  Or the government we value make hard decisions.  We hear a friend slam a person or government or political issue and we can’t believe we can feel so polar opposite.  It’s easy to get discouraged and wonder what is going on in the Christian world!

I don’t have answers, but I’ve done some musing on these happenings and just want to share.  I’m hoping to discuss and learn together.  No black and white answers, no rights and wrong decisions, just musings.  Okay?

A wise sage said it best,

“There’s nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

I’ve sat under the teaching of a wide variety of pastors and teachers.  I’ve sat through their conferences and applied many ideas, so I feel balanced in my perspective.  And I realize there are two sides to every coin.  On one side of programmatic teaching, there may be a grand purpose, love for God, with the intention to share ideas, but the flip side has the potential for greed, power, and pride that can accompany any man or idea.

Creating A New Tower

As I’ve matured (okay, gotten older!), I see more clearly the consequences of historical events or ideas.  It’s a blend of experience and retrospect.  But one thing we need to remember is that God won’t tolerate another Babel.  The construction of yet another tower to help us reach Him.  Programs, schools, teachers who take on idol status, churches (yep, even churches) all must come toppling down when they become more important than a total love for God and His Word.  When they lack gratitude for Jesus’s redemption and the Spirit’s work.

This world and everything in it was created by and for God, and when a person or group begins teaching that following God requires more than what is taught in Scripture:  more of their instruction; more work; more rules; more book study; more, more, more of anything, then we can expect the wrecking ball to come in and do its work.  Pharisees and white-washed sepulchers come to mind.  There is a difference between works and work, but it takes discernment!

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. “So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.  Matthew 23:27-28

Sheep

Sheep.  Baahaa!

Yes, we’re shocked by what we’ve heard friends or pastors or organizations say, but we really shouldn’t be surprised.  This is the stuff of the Bible.  Remember David and his sin?  Temptations abound and humans are sinners.  We are like sheep – followers – and we often follow right into a leg trap.  We can get confused about who we’re actually following.  The amazing thing is that God uses it all for good, good to those who follow the Lord.  Truly!

Our trials born, our hopes vanquished, our dreams ended are all good if they humble us and draw us into a sweeter relationship with our Father and our Savior.

If we will only listen to the Master, we will hear Him remind us that this life, this love, is all about and all for Him.  We can have no false master, no video saviour, no false works.  Only Jesus.

They love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men. “But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers. “Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. “Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. “But the greatest among you shall be your servant. “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.           Matthew 23:6-12

Our zealousness for Christ gets us into these binds.  We forget — only God has the secret recipe for grace and law.  For predestination and choice.  For being able to rest in Him, while at the same time, doing His work here on earth.  We want the answers to how it all works together, but only He has the beautiful solution.  We must simply trust.  “Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey!”

Be An Example – Imitate Christ

We, like sheep, are to follow the Shepherd, not men.  In Philippians 3:17, 1 Timothy 4:12, and 1 Corinthians 11:1 we are called to imitate Paul as he imitated Christ and we are called to be an example to others.  But we easily make the mistake of believing he meant more than was intended.

Paul gave specifics to living as a believer but we, like the Pharisees, have added on exacting rules for marriage, clothing, entertainment, music, food, and child training.  Remember Paul also tells us to not worry about whether one eats meat or not?  The example he calls us to follow and to be for others is in how we live, and move, and have our being.  He was calling us to live and love and serve like Jesus.   The example was to love and serve the Master, with our actions being an outflow of that love.

And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for ‘In him we live and move and have our being’….           Acts 17:26-28

Oh, how we want a pattern, a recipe for success in our marriages, our child-raising, our finances!  We pine for and grab onto the latest and greatest idea to get there.  But Jesus has so many incredible words for us if we will only listen….“I am the way.  I am the truth and the life.  Listen to Me.  Obey Me.  Follow Me.  Have my Love.  Have My joy.  The truth will set you free.”  Only He has the perfect recipe.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying to go it on our own!  We were built for community.  We need to hear and follow the example of others who can help us in our Christian walk, BUT….there’s a red flag when those external actions become our central focus rather than a heart devoted to God.

This is only the tip of the iceberg on this topic. There are so many nuances and deeper issues we can chew on and think through.

  • What is legalism?
  • How do we do the work of a Christian without letting it replace Jesus’ work?
  • When to let grace abound and when to move forward and seek hard for answers?

It’s important to discuss these issues.  It’s so easy to get off track.

Lessons

It’s way too easy to follow.  Even for me, a self-imposed rebel, but like I’ve shared before, I’m really just an independent thinker!  Following the crowd caused me to view myself and my questions as rebellious.  God wants my independent heart devoted solely to Him.  He calls me to hear His voice, pause to consider His ways, and follow Christ.

It’s okay to listen to preachers, teachers, and other Christians; really hear what they are saying, but always study Scripture and pray for wisdom before taking a step in following their example.  Believe that faith in Christ alone will bring salvation.  Not by my works.  Not by my might, not by the hair on my chinny, chin chin!  By faith alone!

So I guess I’m a rebel for Jesus.  Writing this post helps me to work through the complexities of truth and lies I’ve heard over the years; discovering the line between legalism and the work of a Christian.  And if my writing helps only one of you to see through this fog, then my work was worth it!

More on this subject soon.

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Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.  Philippians 3:17
Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.  1 Timothy 4:12
Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.  1 Corinthians 11:1

The Myth Of Getting It All Done!

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Planner & Coffee

As Christian, home-schooling moms, we take on so much, go against the flow, all while living in a crazy, busy culture.  I hope I can help just a little as I give my answer to this reader’s question.  (And check out other bloggers answers at the bottom of this page!)

How do I teach each child their lessons AND cook 3 nutritious meals a day AND nurse the baby AND keep everyone in clean clothes AND keep the dust bunnies at bay, all on very little sleep?! Did I mention that right now I’m only teaching 3 out of my 6 and we are focusing just on phonics and math?

So how do we get it all done?  How do we answer these questions?  What’s a mother to do?  Oh, I’d love to offer you my perfect plan for the perfect day with a perfect outcome…..

….but the honest answer, and one that each of us mothers needs to accept, is that we won’t be able to get it all done!

We’ll each need to discover what “all done” means to us personally and corporately as a family.  That term will mean something different for each of us.  No two families will focus on exactly the same things to find their place of balance.

  • One mom’s focus may be on having a perfectly planned day and a super-clean, orderly home.
  • For another, a family business may keep their schedule hopping.
  • Yet another might study herbs, organic cooking, and natural medicine.
  • Some may have picnics and parties and homeschool gatherings weekly for friends and family.

And each one of these moms will have to serve meals, teach children, and wash clothes.  Our goal is to find how we best function, based on how God designed us with our personalities and abilities, in just the place He has us.  But, if we’re choosing another family’s lifestyle, trying to be the Joneses, we’ll only end up burnt out and disappointed.

 

Discovering The Key

So the real key to finding this answer is to discover what’s important to you and your husband.

  • What do you value?
  • What is it you find extremely important in order to feel like you’ve accomplished your goals?
  • What kind of relationship do you require to feel like you’re a part of your children’s lives?
  • What level of education do you deem necessary for your children?
  • How important is a clean and orderly environment for your peace and comfort?

Another factor is realizing each of your children’s bents.  If one of them wants to be a doctor, your schedule for them will include calculus or trigonometry.   For another, it might be farming, and so you may decide on a more  hands-on approach to learning, right in your backyard.  This will help determine what that elusive “all done” term means.

Getting It All Done

 

Discover What “All Done” Means To You & How To Get There!

1)  Develop a routine.  Think about how your family spends their days and weeks.  Look for patterns.  You’ll find them.  Usually these routines come from what we find important and are comfortable with (unless we’ve gotten sidetracked by trying to live like someone else!).  We really need to establish what works for us, while learning from those around us.  Use this pattern to discover what, when, and how to order your day.

 

2)  Pray for wisdom – then step back and observe your home, family, and routine.  What do you like?  What frustrates you?  Right now I’m realizing that my meal planning and the disorder in my freezer/refrigerator is driving me crazy!  I’m not okay with it.  So that’s one thing I’ll be working on this month.  Sometimes we need things to get out of control before we gain the perspective to fix them.  So failure is actually a good thing as it reveals our weakness or blind spots!

 

3)  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  When things get busy with family, much of what we do or think we need is actually small stuff.  When accidents happen, or trials come, we soon discover what is really important.  I had a friend once offer a bit of advice.  I was tired, pregnant, and sick.  Oh, and did I mention I was also complaining?!  During my bed-rest, I was disturbed by what I heard and saw going on in my family.  It revealed some major issues in our home and relationships.  And I didn’t like it!

So my friend offered me new perspective.  She told me I could view this down-time negatively or as a gift from God.  As time to watch and listen to the temperature of our family.  You see, when we’re doing well, we often get so busy we don’t notice the idiosyncrasies and problem areas developing.  But when we step back, or are forced to, we are able to see life for what it is and make better choices to solve them.

 

4)  Don’t think you have to do everything everyone else is doing!  Read that again – with emphasis!  What is important for one family or what comes easily for them, may not be what’s best or good for yours.  Our society and government may want us all to look the same and vote the same and behave the same, but that’s not Gods plan!  Be unique!

It’s really important to remember that no one way is right.  It’s great to read books and blogs, and talk to friends and other homeschooling moms for ideas.  But – remember to make your schedule based on your personality and goals.  It’s between God and you and your husband to discern what works for your family.

 

5)  Raise your children to work hard.  This is huge battle in our culture.  Things come way too easy for us all, and we tend to baby and pamper our kids.  They’re cute, I know!  But they’re only a child once!  Hah!  I’m just kidding!  But those sweeties have to grow up and become honest, diligent, and productive adults.  Teach them well.

Find projects to work on together.  Teach them to help around the house.  Go against popular thought.  Having them help the family with chores is not comparable to the plague!  Your neighbors or church friends might tell you you’re too hard on them or that it’s your job.  That you’re the one who chose to have so many kids!  But please, oh please, don’t listen!

This is the first time in history when children don’t have to work hard to help their family.  The lessons they learn by working hard will keep them afloat when life’s trials come.  Believe it or not, it’s not wrong to let them know that life does get hard!  Teach them to persevere and rely upon their heavenly Father, and they will prosper!

 

6)  Stay tuned into God, read His word, listen to the Spirit, and be conformed to what He deems important.  Ask for His grace.  He will provide wisdom and discernment for the tasks and priorities for your home.  He’ll also cover areas you’ll be surprised at.  At first, you may not see how He protects and guides, but He will.  Keep Him in His proper place, above all!

There will always be lessons.  Just be open to them.  God knows just what you need.

 

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

 

A Few Practical Tips That Worked For Us

  • Have a special place (we used a personal quilt) to keep your little ones happy.  Give them toys and books to play with while you do school or work on a project.  This quiet time only lasts so long, but it really helps!  Our toddlers loved their little spot to call their own.
  • Assign chores so everyone has duties during certain hours of the day.  Develop a chore system.  You’ll know what everyone is doing and can manage the work and the workers.  I manage a lot.  They work.  Things get done.  What doesn’t get done, we leave for tomorrow or find it’s not really that important.  And if something isn’t getting done, it may not be a necessity anyway!  Really!  We end up doing what is a priority.  Remember to pray to keep your goals in sight.
  • Develop a meal plan and preparation chart.   I had a great chart that recorded what was on the menu, who was the cook, and who was the “bottle washer”.  Ever heard that ditty?  “Chief cook and bottle washer.”  My mom said it all the time!  I digress….but having a plan really takes the pressure off when dinnertime comes.  Plus it relieves the stress of hearing, “I did the dishes last night!”.
  • Cut down to two meals a day with a snack in between.  It lightened our load from having three meals to plan, prepare, and clean up after.  Plus it gave us more time out of the kitchen and doing what we enjoyed.  You’d be amazed what you can get used to!

So, can you get it all done?  Nah!  You’d have to be Supermom to do it.

Can you find a happy place of peace in the middle of this chaos we call ‘family’?  Certainly!  But that’s super easy to forget in this crazy busy culture we live in!

No matter what, pull yourself back to the paramount goal.  Raising children for the glory of God! 

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And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4

The Most Important Lesson in Home Education

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Home Education

When considering the most important lessen I’ve learned in home educating for the last 22 years, I must revisit the reality that it’s not about academics.  “Yikes,” some of you are saying!  Don’t fret.  Those are important, but the most important lesson we teach our children is how to think.  It’s that simple!  But it takes work.

Really think about the myriad of meanings for this word.

Think – to form a mental picture; the processes of logical thought; to exercise the powers of reason or judgement; to weigh or consider an idea; to use one’s mind actively to form connected ideas; to call to mind in thought; to have the mind engaged in reflection; to have a view or opinion; to have concern, to contemplate, ponder, meditate; to determine; to devise…

Oh, yes.  There are thousands of things our children must learn and hundreds of subjects to share with them, but the main consideration is that they know how to use the amazing brain the good Lord gave them!

There is the inescapable reality that a person can hold several degrees and yet be incapable of making wise choices in life.  He might earn a good income, but there really is more to life than money!  One can know all there is to know about physics and yet be unable to manage his own household.  A person can study math until the cows come home, and yet not be able to control his own spending habits or consider the possibilities for resolving the relational trials that come from financial hardship.

So it’s not only about the diploma or the degree, but understanding how to use that knowledge on a daily basis.

You see, the education the world believes is all important is not the end-all.  It’s really about being able to solve problems.  To resolve conflicts.  To stay the course when life takes you on a detour.  It’s about understanding the complexity, along with the simplicity, of the Word of God and how it relates to life.

Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge;  For it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, that they may be ready on your lips.  so that your trust may be in the Lord, I have taught you today, even you.                    Proverbs 22:17-19

Teach a Man to Fish

Teaching Children How to Process

The most important thing I can teach my children is how to process things for themselves.  And this begins by processing the details, frustrations, and intricacies of the physical world and of the relationships right in front of them.

For our children’s formative years, we are their examples:

  • They listen as we use communication skills in real life, not just on paper.
  • They observe as we maneuver the finances of our modern world – making frugal use of ‘deals’, buying and selling goods, and even in the simple way we communicate with store clerks about pricing, sales, and damaged goods.
  • They gain many skills as we share emails and texts, observing how the written word can be confusing and misinterpreted.  We all know how that goes!
  • Our children can learn real-life physiology from watching a cat give birth, or caring for an orphaned bird, or from cleaning a fish for dinner.
  • The old adage says to “teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”  Add to that, hunting or gardening.  These life skills offer far more rewards than having their food miraculously appear on the dinner table.
  • Our children can understand the ways of business, not just by getting an MBA, but by working for neighbors, being creative, and selling their wares to the community.  Discover the benefits of entrepreneurship together!
  • They can develop a heart for counseling by sharing in the life of those in their family, community, or church.  They learn this by watching us do the same.

Please remember that these abilities are taught in person, by having our children alongside us.  We must be deliberate if we are to pass on the many skills of life to our children.  If they only pass their time of day with peers, they will be limited to learning to that level.  But as they observe, and discuss, and practice alongside their parents, they will be ready for the challenging issues of life in the adult world.

Having the ability to process information, communicate details, and solve problems – to think – is the most important lesson in a home educated child’s life.   Carry on!

(Read more on how our family has done this in my posts: Building Up Without Burning Out – Growing Children Into Adults series and Breaking The Mold For Raising Responsible Adults)

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Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge;  For it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, that they may be ready on your lips.  so that your trust may be in the Lord, I have taught you today, even you.                    Proverbs 22:17-19

Building Up Without Burning Out – Growing Children Into Adults – Part Three

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Hopefully you’ve read my posts Part One and Part Two of this series.

We’ve covered:

  • simplifying home education to avoid burn out
  • the freedom to learn from various adventures and interests
  • and the innumerable knowledge, lessons, and skills  learned from those activities!

But what about……

 

Educational Requirements?

Now I know what you might be asking!   How do you stay on track with the necessary educational requirements?  How do you fit them in?   Our family sees the “Big 3” – reading, writing, arithmetic as fundamental for all ages.  Along with Bible, of course.  We add in and basic history and science to wet their interest and give them a foundation.  Then come the basic high school requirements – science, history, higher math, along with adding knowledge to their ‘bents’ and interests..

We use an assortment of curriculum I’ve found to be my favorites.  I’ve created a family resource that is a K-12 list of all the yearly textbooks/workbooks/reading materials which are the foundations of our children’s schooling.  But they don’t rule us.  I rule them!  Profound, huh?!

For example, if we’re working on a remodel project or taking a trip for a CW reenactment, that adventure becomes the mainstay of education for those weeks or months.  We try to have the kids do math, spelling, and Bible most days when we’re busy on a project or adventure.  This doesn’t always work, but having it as a goal helps to keep them from falling behind in the basics.  During spare time they read textbooks or literature early in the morning, or during car travel.  Believe it or not, they choose to get up early to do their “school” so they can have the rest of the day for real life!

 

 

Life Is Our Classroom 

I believe we’ve lost the understanding that life is our classroom.  Yes, we need the basics, but understanding those basics is wrought in the real life activities we use them for!  I’ve seen my adult children prove their capability even though they haven’t done “school” like others we know.  They are proving through their life that they “got” the lessons – both the textbook lessons and the real-life lessons!

So going back to the question about managing school and real-life.   You just don’t let textbooks, and what educational “professionals” suggest, dictate your day!  You decide what you and your children want to really learn about.  Just be sure it isn’t the latest movie or video game!

 

Meeting Needs Without Burning Out

Now for the last question –

“In short, what is the best way to meet everyone’s individual needs, without mom and dad burning out?”

I guess the answer to that lies in how you, as a parent, view your life.  We moms spend the majority of our time meeting the needs of our family.  But, we each have our own view of our life and our role as ‘mom’.  Some women know what they want and make their family adjust to their plan.  Others are more free in what their day looks like and flex more.  Your personal views will affect how each of you gets burnt out.

The first mom gets “burned out” when she doesn’t meet her schedule, or have her clean home, or get to her church Bible study.  And the second mom gets “burned out” when she says yes a hundred times in one day, or she can’t find the baby in the pile of laundry in the living room.  Each mom has different needs and so the “burn out” stems from differing catalyst.

The real answer to that question will be found in searching your heart and your personality. 

  • What makes you tick? 
  • What “gets your goat”? 
  • What do you need to thrive? 
  • What should you avoid to keep from going buggy? 

And don’t feel like you’re being selfish!  God made each of us to function best in certain ways, you know, right brain/left brain, organizer/flexible.

In answering these questions and really taking time to “consider your ways” you can find a rhythm that works for you!  Just remember – what works for one family, won’t necessarily work for another.  My willingness to sew quilts, breed goats, dress in 1860’s attire, or remodel our home may not work for you.  And that’s okay!  The reality is that I didn’t always want to do those things either!  But there are ways to make even the things you dislike doing work for your children and their interests.

 

Compromise Benefits Everyone!

Here’s a few examples of ways we worked out a compromise.

  • I’ve sat through many a music lesson, while my heart’s desire was to be home.  Our daughter who plays the harp had a two hour drive to lessons.  We decided upon a lesson every two weeks to avoid me being gone from our other children so often.
  • I’ve driven my boys (when they were 12-16) to mow properties in our area, but as soon as our son turned 16 he got his license so I wouldn’t have to drive them.  Our other children waited to get their licenses because of cost, lack of need, and a desire to have them grow in maturity before getting behind the wheel.
  • All those Civil War reenactments were often taxing on my energy, especially when I had to nurse in a corset!  Yep!  But when we’d be driving back home, I knew it was all worth it.  The family time, the lessons learned, the light shed.  And my helpful husband sometimes took the children while I stayed home for a quiet weekend.

 

So I guess it’s just a matter of finding the balance.  And isn’t that the thing about life?  Every day is a lesson.  Every year we know more.  One year we swing one direction in our opinions or ideas, and the next God brings us to the opposite side of the pendulum to reveal something new!

So this year, discover something new with your children!  –  You’ll learn about yourself.  –  You’ll learn about each child.  –  And you’ll discover more of God.

Enjoy the journey!

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.   Philipians 4:6

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