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Learning To Love & Serve – As Grandma!

I just became a “Grandmomma” again, this time to number seven! Seven! And according to statistics, that makes me old. But I don’t feel old. Not really….but seven!

Is This Your First?

As I waited for my temporary card at Sams, the lady behind the counter asked why I was in town. I stated that my daughter just had a baby. She then asked the same question I’ve heard for thirty years! “Is this your first!?”

Yep. I’ve been answering that one since I had the first of my ten children. Now I realize it will go on until I at least look like I’m a grandma! But as I answered, “No, this is my seventh,” she gave a wide-eyed look that read amazement and disbelief. Then added, “Honey, I want to drink what you’re drinking!” I know that’s a compliment, but all I could think was, like, “I can’t belief I’m telling someone I have seven grandchildren! Grandmas are supposed to have grey hair, and wear large shirts with even larger flowers on them! I’m not really that old!” Or am I?

But, unlike those ten babies who took long hard months to bear, and nurse, and train up, these grand-babies just happen! I stand amazed that there is a veritable army entering the stage! Life marches on….

The Lord utters His voice before His army; surely His camp is very great, for strong is he who carries out His word. The day of the Lord is indeed great and very awesome, and who can endure it? Joel 2:11

….and we must march with it. Or we will get pushed to the side in the tide of soldiers passing us by. God has a purpose for every season of life. And with each season comes the responsibility to bear just what God intends us to bear. For us personally, for our individual families, and for the culture and time we live in.

Lessons Learned…

I find I’m growing again, getting used to the skin I wear (even though it’s a bit sagger than I’d prefer!). I have a place in each of my children’s families. A place where I can bless and help each of them in their quest to raise up the next generation for God. I’m beginning to truly envision the love that flows from me to my grandchildren in a very similar light as it did to my own children.

No, I don’t have that daily, hourly time I had with my own kids, but, I can make the best of every minute I have with my grandkids! I can teach and train; I can smooch and snuggle; I can watch and be inspired at their individual personalities and talents. And just like I did for my own, I can encourage each one of these little people to see a glimpse of what they can become, how they can use their talents, and what they can do to serve their Creator.

All Things For Good….

Yup! I’m “Grandmomma” to seven! Yes, that makes me feel a bit old. But I guess it’s where I’m at and I’m becoming proud of it! And more than that, I’m learning to accept more and more, that all things, and all seasons, are created for good by our loving Father, who cares for us!

I encourage each of you to learn to work within His system, His boundaries, and by His rules. We live in a society that ignores that God exists. Therefore, it doesn’t recommend playing by His rules. It will take fortitude to train up your children well; it will take resolve to continue training up your grandchildren in the future.

That future depends on your hard work! To God be the glory!

Grandchildren are the crown of old men, and the glory of sons is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

You’ll Go To Hell For That!

By livingabovethenoise

We heard someone say this to a group of friends, “You’ll go to hell for that!” Their tone was mocking and derogatory.

You might be familiar with the scene…a person calls attention to a broken standard. It might be an action, or a word spoken, or a clothing style. But their goal isn’t to help. Their goal is to make light of that standard or rule and prove it to be artificial and legalistic.

I don’t know if it’s who I hang out with, but I haven’t heard that phrase in a long time! Or maybe I’m just that old! Eee gads! (See what I mean!) Or maybe it was from being raised in a Catholic home. Back then we were always worried about God’s fist coming down from heaven to discipline us. Bad teaching, I know!

The Motives Behind Our Words

Well, this got me to thinking. How often do we avoid doing something based on what the outcome is for us, rather than taking time to consider God’s view of it? Unfortunately, this little phrase about going to hell reveals a very different motive. What’s really being said is that we’re more worried about how it affects us than God, our Creator, our Lord!

Not wearing something inappropriate for the situation to avoid “going to hell”; not speaking a curse word because we might get in trouble; not looking at a questionable website for fear someone will find out; or anything else you can think of….these are not good enough reasons to avoid the action. God tells us in His word that He is to be the reason we live, and move, and have our being! His standards. His wisdom. His ways. He is why we exist. And He desires that our lives glorify Him.

So the next time you’re tempted to worry about “going to hell” or being punished for something you’re doing, wearing, or thinking, please consider the most important outcome of all – how it affects God and His reputation.

Remember, you are His representative while you’re on earth.

**Your outcome is slight compared to His reputation!**

Teach this to your children. Teach them well. To God be the glory.

“…they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.’ Acts 17:27-28

The One Thing You Need to Become Friends with Your Kids

By livingabovethenoise

How Do You Feel About Being Friends With Your Kids?

Go ahead. Take a stab at it. What’s the first thought that enters your mind? Indignation? Relief? Yah, whatever? Or you just had a fight with your teen and you know you’ll never be friends?! Maybe you’ve never considered the options for relating to your kids. Or maybe you just do what feels comfortable and safe?

Would you answer like this? — “Friends with my children?! If I do that, I’ll lose their respect. I’m their parent; I need them to obey and not run amuck!”

Or this — “Yeah, that’s why I had them — so we could be buddies. I’d have someone to love and to love me back.”

Possibly this — “I just want to get them out of my home! Why would anyone want to be friends?!”

It’s a confusing topic. And it can’t be covered in a quick post or tip of the day. But, do remember this…

You’re a parent for a lifetime.

And that’s why you need this post!

Don’t worry — your kids won’t be writing on the walls with crayons forever. They’ll learn (hopefully!) and grow (definitely) into young adults and your responsibilities will lessen. Yup, they’ll actually be able to put their shoes on the right feet!

And that’s when it’s vital that you become friends.

But how?

The Most Important Tool in Raising Your Kids

Three things to remember:

Your main goal is to raise kids to adulthood. (There’s a lot more to this goal, but we’ll keep it simple here.)
It’s a long-range plan and process.
You’re a parent until the day you die.

This process of growing a human doesn’t happen overnight. As a parent, you won’t get it right the first year, or the second, or…well…you get what I mean. There’s new stuff every year! So hang in there!

There’s one foundational skill that helps all other areas of raising sons and daughters —

Communication.

To develop this skill and build your relationship with your kids, you need to:
– Enter their world. Ask lots of questions about their life, opinions, and perspectives on the world around them. (“How was your first day of class?” “How did you feel being there – worried, confident, comfortable…?”)

– Be there for them. Let them know you’re their biggest cheerleader. Encourage their escapades. (“I saw that project you’re working on. It looks great!”)

– Listen to the stories of their day, or job, or friends. (Laugh, ask questions, be curious…)

– Offer counsel, ideas, and perspective. Let them know you want to help. (“When I was your age, I had the same thing happen. I felt so stupid. But then I tried….”)

– Give them your trust. Of course you know more than they do — but even though you can do things faster and easier, let them try their own hand at them. (I had a friend once say that she didn’t let her kids cook because she didn’t want a messy kitchen!)

– Give them lots of opportunities to try out a new skill, even when they aren’t quite ready. (We let our kids do tile work, use a backhoe, and help build our house addition when they were as young as 12. The skills and confidence they have as adults amaze me!)

God’s Got You Covered

God’s pretty clear on how He views communication in families. It profoundly affects our ability to teach our kids to love and rely upon God. If they haven’t learned to listen to us as their earthly teacher/authority, how can they learn to listen to God, their heavenly teacher/authority?

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Communication 101

It’s easy to get busy in our adult world — managing a home, prepping meals, shopping, laundry, keeping our marriage healthy, working a job. And we forget how important one-on-one time is to our relationship with our children — plus how much it means to them.

I know — you’re thinking how much energy you already pour into them — each and every day. I get it. It’s non-stop! But believe it or not, when your kids are little, that’s the easy part. (Don’t close the tab yet!)

Think about it. Young children tell us exactly what they need and want. We hear, “Watch, Mommy!” a hundred times a day, then we clap as they show us their latest feat. They cry — we hug. They spit out the food they don’t like — we clean it up.

But then…they giggle with joy over the little things. They deliver a hug and a smooch when we least expect it. We get a reward for all the work!

This phase is really the simple part of parenting — tiring, but simple.

Why?

Young children woo us into their world.

But…A Teenager Won’t Woo Us Into His World

As our kids get older, what’s this look like ?

Take a few minutes to think back on the awkward days of being a teen. Of trying on makeup only to realize you looked like a clown…and then your mom gave that look?! Of trying on an outfit that looked cool on your friend only to hear that dreaded, “Take it back” from your dad. Or the time I got a new hairstyle — a bleached white, boy cut — yikes my parents were patient!

Well, just like you looked to your parents, your own teen’s latest feat isn’t as heart-warming as when they were a cute, chubby toddler. It’s as awkward for the parent as it is for this future adult in-the-making!

Now think again about how you felt back then? I bet it wasn’t always pretty. I’m guessing your “confidence” was as thin as a layer of skin hiding what you felt inside.

Our teens are timid about sharing insecurities with us. They wonder if we’ll think they’re silly — or immature — or proud..

What happens at this stage of parenting? What’s our role? How do you stay connected and not just drop out?

No, I don’t have all the answers! And I’ve failed a lot! But what I do have is lots of time and experience raising ten kids. Plus, I’m fortunate that God blessed me with an overactive conscience. It’s a mixed blessing, but, it keeps me tuned into my kid’s hearts. And that’s one thing I’d say is most important.

Stay. Tuned. In.

Yes, you might mess up by entering in when you shouldn’t. You’ll probably get busy with your own stuff while forgetting about theirs. But having your kid’s hearts on your radar screen keeps you aware of their attitudes, moods, and needs.

Will You Be There for Them?

A few more ideas to get the communication started:

– Ask them to show you what’s new in their life — what they’re learning, working on, dreaming of.

– Discover what interests them. What scares them? What thrills them? What makes them mad?

– Ask their opinion of a recent book or movie. (But get ready to cringe! And ask God for the wisdom to know when to have a conversation about your differences. This is the hard stuff!)

– Have them turn on their favorite song, turn on the disco lights and jam it up! (Yah, we do this often. :)

For as many times as I’ve messed up (and that’s way more than I want to admit!), I believe open and honest communication has held our relationships together over the years. We’ve been through hurdles that I thought would never be repaired. God’s grace intervened and the solid habit of communication forged the path to recovering when things got tough.

Communication is the backbone for good relationships with your kids. It sets you up for a lifetime of friendship and guidance.

And guess what? That guidance goes in both directions! Be willing to hear the truth — even when it hurts. You’ll be surprised how many times your kids will have something profound to teach you — if you have ears to hear and a heart that seeks.

Don’t give up!

Stay the course. Don’t think parenting is just about changing diapers, teaching them to obey, and getting them to do their schoolwork. Accept the fact that you’ll need to be available long after they sleep through the night and can wash their own dishes!

Parenting is a lifetime occupation — and with communication as the backbone of your relationship — it will be the greatest blessing you can imagine!

Watch and listen. Ask and ask again. And you will gain a friend.

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

If this post encouraged or challenged you, please share it with your friends. Thanks so much!

The Myth Of Getting It All Done!

By livingabovethenoise

As Christian, home-schooling moms, we take on so much, go against the flow, all while living in a crazy, busy culture. I hope I can help just a little as I give my answer to this reader’s question. (And check out other bloggers answers at the bottom of this page!)

How do I teach each child their lessons AND cook 3 nutritious meals a day AND nurse the baby AND keep everyone in clean clothes AND keep the dust bunnies at bay, all on very little sleep?! Did I mention that right now I’m only teaching 3 out of my 6 and we are focusing just on phonics and math?

So how do we get it all done? How do we answer these questions? What’s a mother to do? Oh, I’d love to offer you my perfect plan for the perfect day with a perfect outcome…..

….but the honest answer, and one that each of us mothers needs to accept, is that we won’t be able to get it all done!

We’ll each need to discover what “all done” means to us personally and corporately as a family. That term will mean something different for each of us. No two families will focus on exactly the same things to find their place of balance.

One mom’s focus may be on having a perfectly planned day and a super-clean, orderly home.
For another, a family business may keep their schedule hopping.
Yet another might study herbs, organic cooking, and natural medicine.
Some may have picnics and parties and homeschool gatherings weekly for friends and family.

And each one of these moms will have to serve meals, teach children, and wash clothes. Our goal is to find how we best function, based on how God designed us with our personalities and abilities, in just the place He has us. But, if we’re choosing another family’s lifestyle, trying to be the Joneses, we’ll only end up burnt out and disappointed.

Discovering The Key

So the real key to finding this answer is to discover what’s important to you and your husband.

What do you value?
What is it you find extremely important in order to feel like you’ve accomplished your goals?
What kind of relationship do you require to feel like you’re a part of your children’s lives?
What level of education do you deem necessary for your children?
How important is a clean and orderly environment for your peace and comfort?

Another factor is realizing each of your children’s bents. If one of them wants to be a doctor, your schedule for them will include calculus or trigonometry. For another, it might be farming, and so you may decide on a more hands-on approach to learning, right in your backyard. This will help determine what that elusive “all done” term means.

Discover What “All Done” Means To You & How To Get There!

1) Develop a routine. Think about how your family spends their days and weeks. Look for patterns. You’ll find them. Usually these routines come from what we find important and are comfortable with (unless we’ve gotten sidetracked by trying to live like someone else!). We really need to establish what works for us, while learning from those around us. Use this pattern to discover what, when, and how to order your day.

2) Pray for wisdom – then step back and observe your home, family, and routine. What do you like? What frustrates you? Right now I’m realizing that my meal planning and the disorder in my freezer/refrigerator is driving me crazy! I’m not okay with it. So that’s one thing I’ll be working on this month. Sometimes we need things to get out of control before we gain the perspective to fix them. So failure is actually a good thing as it reveals our weakness or blind spots!

3) Don’t sweat the small stuff. When things get busy with family, much of what we do or think we need is actually small stuff. When accidents happen, or trials come, we soon discover what is really important. I had a friend once offer a bit of advice. I was tired, pregnant, and sick. Oh, and did I mention I was also complaining?! During my bed-rest, I was disturbed by what I heard and saw going on in my family. It revealed some major issues in our home and relationships. And I didn’t like it!

So my friend offered me new perspective. She told me I could view this down-time negatively or as a gift from God. As time to watch and listen to the temperature of our family. You see, when we’re doing well, we often get so busy we don’t notice the idiosyncrasies and problem areas developing. But when we step back, or are forced to, we are able to see life for what it is and make better choices to solve them.

4) Don’t think you have to do everything everyone else is doing! Read that again – with emphasis! What is important for one family or what comes easily for them, may not be what’s best or good for yours. Our society and government may want us all to look the same and vote the same and behave the same, but that’s not Gods plan! Be unique!

It’s really important to remember that no one way is right. It’s great to read books and blogs, and talk to friends and other homeschooling moms for ideas. But – remember to make your schedule based on your personality and goals. It’s between God and you and your husband to discern what works for your family.

5) Raise your children to work hard. This is huge battle in our culture. Things come way too easy for us all, and we tend to baby and pamper our kids. They’re cute, I know! But they’re only a child once! Hah! I’m just kidding! But those sweeties have to grow up and become honest, diligent, and productive adults. Teach them well.

Find projects to work on together. Teach them to help around the house. Go against popular thought. Having them help the family with chores is not comparable to the plague! Your neighbors or church friends might tell you you’re too hard on them or that it’s your job. That you’re the one who chose to have so many kids! But please, oh please, don’t listen!

This is the first time in history when children don’t have to work hard to help their family. The lessons they learn by working hard will keep them afloat when life’s trials come. Believe it or not, it’s not wrong to let them know that life does get hard! Teach them to persevere and rely upon their heavenly Father, and they will prosper!

6) Stay tuned into God, read His word, listen to the Spirit, and be conformed to what He deems important. Ask for His grace. He will provide wisdom and discernment for the tasks and priorities for your home. He’ll also cover areas you’ll be surprised at. At first, you may not see how He protects and guides, but He will. Keep Him in His proper place, above all!

There will always be lessons. Just be open to them. God knows just what you need.

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

A Few Practical Tips That Worked For Us

Have a special place (we used a personal quilt) to keep your little ones happy. Give them toys and books to play with while you do school or work on a project. This quiet time only lasts so long, but it really helps! Our toddlers loved their little spot to call their own.
Assign chores so everyone has duties during certain hours of the day. Develop a chore system. You’ll know what everyone is doing and can manage the work and the workers. I manage a lot. They work. Things get done. What doesn’t get done, we leave for tomorrow or find it’s not really that important. And if something isn’t getting done, it may not be a necessity anyway! Really! We end up doing what is a priority. Remember to pray to keep your goals in sight.
Develop a meal plan and preparation chart. I had a great chart that recorded what was on the menu, who was the cook, and who was the “bottle washer”. Ever heard that ditty? “Chief cook and bottle washer.” My mom said it all the time! I digress….but having a plan really takes the pressure off when dinnertime comes. Plus it relieves the stress of hearing, “I did the dishes last night!”.
Cut down to two meals a day with a snack in between. It lightened our load from having three meals to plan, prepare, and clean up after. Plus it gave us more time out of the kitchen and doing what we enjoyed. You’d be amazed what you can get used to!

So, can you get it all done? Nah! You’d have to be Supermom to do it.

Can you find a happy place of peace in the middle of this chaos we call ‘family’? Certainly! But that’s super easy to forget in this crazy busy culture we live in!

No matter what, pull yourself back to the paramount goal. Raising children for the glory of God!

And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

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