As Christian, home-schooling moms, we take on so much, go against the flow, all while living in a crazy, busy culture. I hope I can help just a little as I give my answer to this reader’s question. (And check out other bloggers answers at the bottom of this page!)
How do I teach each child their lessons AND cook 3 nutritious meals a day AND nurse the baby AND keep everyone in clean clothes AND keep the dust bunnies at bay, all on very little sleep?! Did I mention that right now I’m only teaching 3 out of my 6 and we are focusing just on phonics and math?
So how do we get it all done? How do we answer these questions? What’s a mother to do? Oh, I’d love to offer you my perfect plan for the perfect day with a perfect outcome…..
….but the honest answer, and one that each of us mothers needs to accept, is that we won’t be able to get it all done!
We’ll each need to discover what “all done” means to us personally and corporately as a family. That term will mean something different for each of us. No two families will focus on exactly the same things to find their place of balance.
- One mom’s focus may be on having a perfectly planned day and a super-clean, orderly home.
- For another, a family business may keep their schedule hopping.
- Yet another might study herbs, organic cooking, and natural medicine.
- Some may have picnics and parties and homeschool gatherings weekly for friends and family.
And each one of these moms will have to serve meals, teach children, and wash clothes. Our goal is to find how we best function, based on how God designed us with our personalities and abilities, in just the place He has us. But, if we’re choosing another family’s lifestyle, trying to be the Joneses, we’ll only end up burnt out and disappointed.
Discovering The Key
So the real key to finding this answer is to discover what’s important to you and your husband.
- What do you value?
- What is it you find extremely important in order to feel like you’ve accomplished your goals?
- What kind of relationship do you require to feel like you’re a part of your children’s lives?
- What level of education do you deem necessary for your children?
- How important is a clean and orderly environment for your peace and comfort?
Another factor is realizing each of your children’s bents. If one of them wants to be a doctor, your schedule for them will include calculus or trigonometry. For another, it might be farming, and so you may decide on a more hands-on approach to learning, right in your backyard. This will help determine what that elusive “all done” term means.
Discover What “All Done” Means To You & How To Get There!
1) Develop a routine. Think about how your family spends their days and weeks. Look for patterns. You’ll find them. Usually these routines come from what we find important and are comfortable with (unless we’ve gotten sidetracked by trying to live like someone else!). We really need to establish what works for us, while learning from those around us. Use this pattern to discover what, when, and how to order your day.
2) Pray for wisdom – then step back and observe your home, family, and routine. What do you like? What frustrates you? Right now I’m realizing that my meal planning and the disorder in my freezer/refrigerator is driving me crazy! I’m not okay with it. So that’s one thing I’ll be working on this month. Sometimes we need things to get out of control before we gain the perspective to fix them. So failure is actually a good thing as it reveals our weakness or blind spots!
3) Don’t sweat the small stuff. When things get busy with family, much of what we do or think we need is actually small stuff. When accidents happen, or trials come, we soon discover what is really important. I had a friend once offer a bit of advice. I was tired, pregnant, and sick. Oh, and did I mention I was also complaining?! During my bed-rest, I was disturbed by what I heard and saw going on in my family. It revealed some major issues in our home and relationships. And I didn’t like it!
So my friend offered me new perspective. She told me I could view this down-time negatively or as a gift from God. As time to watch and listen to the temperature of our family. You see, when we’re doing well, we often get so busy we don’t notice the idiosyncrasies and problem areas developing. But when we step back, or are forced to, we are able to see life for what it is and make better choices to solve them.
4) Don’t think you have to do everything everyone else is doing! Read that again – with emphasis! What is important for one family or what comes easily for them, may not be what’s best or good for yours. Our society and government may want us all to look the same and vote the same and behave the same, but that’s not Gods plan! Be unique!
It’s really important to remember that no one way is right. It’s great to read books and blogs, and talk to friends and other homeschooling moms for ideas. But – remember to make your schedule based on your personality and goals. It’s between God and you and your husband to discern what works for your family.
5) Raise your children to work hard. This is huge battle in our culture. Things come way too easy for us all, and we tend to baby and pamper our kids. They’re cute, I know! But they’re only a child once! Hah! I’m just kidding! But those sweeties have to grow up and become honest, diligent, and productive adults. Teach them well.
Find projects to work on together. Teach them to help around the house. Go against popular thought. Having them help the family with chores is not comparable to the plague! Your neighbors or church friends might tell you you’re too hard on them or that it’s your job. That you’re the one who chose to have so many kids! But please, oh please, don’t listen!
This is the first time in history when children don’t have to work hard to help their family. The lessons they learn by working hard will keep them afloat when life’s trials come. Believe it or not, it’s not wrong to let them know that life does get hard! Teach them to persevere and rely upon their heavenly Father, and they will prosper!
6) Stay tuned into God, read His word, listen to the Spirit, and be conformed to what He deems important. Ask for His grace. He will provide wisdom and discernment for the tasks and priorities for your home. He’ll also cover areas you’ll be surprised at. At first, you may not see how He protects and guides, but He will. Keep Him in His proper place, above all!
There will always be lessons. Just be open to them. God knows just what you need.
Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
A Few Practical Tips That Worked For Us
- Have a special place (we used a personal quilt) to keep your little ones happy. Give them toys and books to play with while you do school or work on a project. This quiet time only lasts so long, but it really helps! Our toddlers loved their little spot to call their own.
- Assign chores so everyone has duties during certain hours of the day. Develop a chore system. You’ll know what everyone is doing and can manage the work and the workers. I manage a lot. They work. Things get done. What doesn’t get done, we leave for tomorrow or find it’s not really that important. And if something isn’t getting done, it may not be a necessity anyway! Really! We end up doing what is a priority. Remember to pray to keep your goals in sight.
- Develop a meal plan and preparation chart. I had a great chart that recorded what was on the menu, who was the cook, and who was the “bottle washer”. Ever heard that ditty? “Chief cook and bottle washer.” My mom said it all the time! I digress….but having a plan really takes the pressure off when dinnertime comes. Plus it relieves the stress of hearing, “I did the dishes last night!”.
- Cut down to two meals a day with a snack in between. It lightened our load from having three meals to plan, prepare, and clean up after. Plus it gave us more time out of the kitchen and doing what we enjoyed. You’d be amazed what you can get used to!
So, can you get it all done? Nah! You’d have to be Supermom to do it.
Can you find a happy place of peace in the middle of this chaos we call ‘family’? Certainly! But that’s super easy to forget in this crazy busy culture we live in!
No matter what, pull yourself back to the paramount goal. Raising children for the glory of God!
And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Chris Malkemes says
Well thought out words of encouragement. Find your place. Find your place in the scheme of things. find you place in the Lord and move out in it. Good job. Good Godly advice. Thanks for taking time, precious time, to share your treasured thoughts. May the Lord keep you…Chris~
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for your kind words. This is the message God keeps giving me – live for Him and not what the world or the crowd are doing. Seek Him and He will add everything we need to our lives.
Ginger Harrington says
Great post today. So glad Arabah Joy featured it so we can all read it. I’ll enjoy sharing on my page today. I liked your tips and sharing what has worked for you. Blessings!
livingabovethenoise says
God is good to teach us, isn’t He? Thanks for sharing!
Michele Morin says
I love your emphasis here on the fact that our perception of whether we’re “getting it all done” is really impacted by our focus. If my eyes are on another person or family — probably I’ll feel dissatisfied. But if my eyes are on God and His plan for me. Peace.
Thanks for this great post and congratulations on being featured at Grace and Truth this week.
livingabovethenoise says
I’m finding this to be true in every aspect of my life! Why didn’t I see it before?!
As my children are growing up and life has taken so many more turns, even since I wrote this post, God is in charge. And I don’t have to be! So then, I can do the work necessary to fulfill the roles He has given me, but without the stress, without all the noise. Ah….
Emily says
The steps you listed are so good! Now onto your tips…I am very curious about the 2 meals a day. I would love to hear more about that. I am not sure what that looks like, but it sounds wonderful to be able to have more time to add more enjoyable things into your day. I would love to eliminate one kitchen prep and cleanup! You don’t have a post on it, do you?
Betsy de Cruz says
Wow, Terry, I’m so glad I saw you featured at Arabah Joy’s. Your post gives me fresh perspective, and I’ve been home schooling 13 years now. I’ve learned to relax a bit, but it’s still hard. I’m bookmarking this to read again later with more time. This is a gem!
I tried to find you on twitter when I tweeted your post, are you on there?
livingabovethenoise says
So grateful that God can use all my lessons to help others. We each have to learn our own, yet He allows us to borrow from one another. How great is that! No, I’m not on Twitter. Do you think it would help others find me? I’m on Facebook and Pinterest. Thanks!
Arabah says
This is why I love you and your writing. Just good, solid, practical wisdom here from a Mom who’s been there. I appreciate this post and the time you put into writing it. Thanks for linking with Grace and Truth :)
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for your kind words. They do my heart good! Especially during a time when I’m living up to my own blog post, again. I’m finally getting back to writing after a two-month, crazy-busy season in my life. Trying to “get it all done” would have sunk me if I had let it. I needed to let go and trust God for His timing. Now I’m ready to get some routine back…until the next interruption!
Rebeca Jones says
Excellent post! I’m 14 years into this homeschooling gig, and I affirm everything you’ve said here. I can’t tell you how many years I spent trying to do systems that worked for others, only to fail and feel miserable. Kinda silly, but the ‘Joneses’ (me) are trying to keep up with everyone else!
Getting the kids to help in the running of the house was a sanity saver for me. Once I let go of perfectionism, they were great help in cleaning, meal prep, and eventually doing their own laundry start to finish as well as taking a night to plan and cook dinner. It is all still learning-in-progress, but it helps to not feel like I have to do it all by myself.
Again, great advice here. I found you through Grace and Truth and look forward to reading more. :)
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for sharing Rebeca.
Ah, systems… I can so relate! I’ve tried it all, too. I finally have learned to accept who I am and how I function. And guess what? It works just fine, even better when I’m not stressed by trying to be something I’m not. Always seeking to do better before God as His steward, yet avoiding that race for perfection!
Jess says
Thanks Terry! This takes the pressure off the flesh and focuses on the glorious blessing of Grace! It’s all done by Grace! God’s intricate building of every little family is perfectly designed to be unique in each’s own way! Not by strength or might but by His Spirit!
livingabovethenoise says
We all have enough pressure without adding more. Jesus came to set us free! Free from comparison. Free to do His will and not another’s. Free indeed!
Johanna @ Devoted To Maker says
I really enjoyed your ideas about how we truly can;t get it all done. I loved so many points, but the ones that spoke most to me were #4 and #6. As much as I don’t want to compare my families journey to another, it is too easy I feel comparison creeping back in. If we listen to the Lord, He will direct our paths daily and many times moment by moment! Thanks for the encouragement!
Many Blessings :)
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for adding to this conversation. Comparison is a temptation we all fall into. And your so right, as we acknowledge Him in all our ways, He will direct us. I must trust that. If I don’t, it’s just way to stressful!
Janet Reeves says
What a beautiful, grace-filled post! Thank you for sharing. Even in my “empty nest” phase of life, I’m learning I still can’t get everything done that I want to, that I think it important. It’s all about trusting God to lead us through the day’s most important tasks, to discover His priorities. Blessings!
livingabovethenoise says
I find in my emptying nest phase (I still have a few years to go!) that I’m busier than ever helping grandchildren and married children in their different walks of life. I really can’t get it all done anymore! But God…I can trust Him to lead me in the path He desires. Thanks for sharing.
Candice says
Love this post! I really needed to hear this today. I have been struggling with the myth of getting it done.
livingabovethenoise says
So glad to encourage you today! I’ve struggled in this area for many years, and finally have some freedom from conforming to the myth. Can’t do it, never will, and that’s okay with me. As long as I am walking with my God and in tune to the Spirit, I can relax and get done what He deems important! Blessings!
Natalie says
Very practical and helpful! Thank you for sharing. I have to be on my guard against comparing with other homeschooling families and false guilt. My husband helps keep me in line when I start to feel guilty that we are not like _________.
livingabovethenoise says
We definitely can learn much from one another, and by watching how other families do things, but when we become discontent with where or who we are, we need to get on our knees and repent. Watch, learn, grow, but not covet. Thanks for sharing!
Tori says
Two meals a day…that’s brilliant! Why, oh why, haven’t I thought of that before?
Thanks for the idea! I’m loving the Ask the Wemmicks series!
livingabovethenoise says
This one out-of-the-box idea has given us much more time in our day. And believe it or not, the children adapt to it rather easily. We only need remember that snack for the growing, little ones!
Katelynne says
What a godsend!! Beautifully written! Thank you for your settling perspective on us moms not having to be everything to everyone. That is why we have Jesus and our husbands and our children. And the false guilt needs to be seen as just that…false! Your words are so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your heart. It helps so much!
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for your encouragement! Sometimes it’s hard to know whether younger moms want to hear us ‘older’ moms, but we’ve been there and done that, and it does seem like such a waste to not share what we’ve learned in the trenches. So much wasted time being what others are rather than what God has deemed best for us. Blessings!
Amy says
I LOVE hearing from more seasoned moms! I have four, but the oldest is only 6, so in a lot of ways I still feel like a newbie with a lot to learn. I hope that someday, though, I’ll be able to bless and encourage other moms. And I feel like that is the model God is calling for in Titus 2:3-5. So thank you for this encouragement, because I am definitely NOT getting it ALL done!
livingabovethenoise says
Thanks for your encouraging words. Sometimes it feels as if younger moms may not want to hear from us older moms, so it’s always a blessing to hear that the Titus 2 example is at work! We are called to obey, and this is my season of life, so I will continue on. Thanks again for reminding me that someone is listening. I guess we just won’t get it all done until we’re done! :o)